Super Smash Borthers: Winner and Still Champion
by DeadeyeDave
Summary: Finally, a chapter nearly ten months in the making...part 10 us up! I urge you to read this story, it is my opus and best work yet. Any old fans or newcomers, please read this story. I don't care if you review or not, just please read this.
1. Part One: Capture

Part 1 Super Smash Brothers   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash

A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that appear,   
such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them(You know who you are),   
and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol afterthe names, except that   
1. We don't know how and   
2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_ cleared up.

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone.

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :)

A final note: You may find out humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
Feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them.

***

Part One: Capture

***

"Hey, Hey!" went a voice by my right ear.

"Hey! Look! Listen! Hey!" it said again, next to my left ear this time.

"Hey! Look! Listen! Hey, Listen! Look! Look!"

*She's doing this to _annoy_ me...* I thought.

"HEY! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY!" *SHUT UP!*

Finally I exploded. "Shut _up_, Navi! I'm not particularly _ecstatic_ that we're lost   
either, so shut up and let me think!"

"Fine. I'm just trying to help." I wasn't fooled for a second.

"There's nothing to see or hear anyway. Just monotonous lines of identical trees."   
*I think I see why they call it the Lost Woods.*

There were four paths.

Let's try this one...Damn.

Lets try this one...

***

SOME HOURS LATER...

*Sigh* Lets try this one...Nope. By now I was numb to it.

Let's try...Hey! I stepped into a clearing. Of course, it was just like all the _other_   
clearings, but I felt renewed hope. Through a fog, I saw a dark, misty figure standing.

"Hello, Link" it said.

"Listen you Skull Kid, I don't want..."

"Oh," he cut me off," I'm no skull kid. I'm the Master."

I blinked. "Then what are you?" *Okay, this guy's definitely weird.*

"Ha ha. You're smart enough to ask _what_, not _who_. Very good."

"Then answer my question. Who, er, _what_ are you?" I ever so slowly withdrew the   
Master sword.

"I'm afraid that pathetic _little_ sword won't be necessary."

I froze. *My God!*

"Umm..."

*How did he _know_?!? Hey..._LITTLE_!* I fingered the hilt of the Biggoron's sword.

"And that pathetic _big_ sword won't be necessary, _either_."

*Okay, this guy's freakin' me out now...Body? This is brain. Run........NOW!*

But before I turned to flee, the fog lifted and I saw...

A tall, muscular man, wearing what looked like a tuxedo except that the forearms and   
shins were white. He wore a large, deep blue cape. But what made me gasp were the   
disturbingly familiar _white gloves._

"DUM DUM _DUMMMMMMMMMMM_!" remarked the ever-helpful Navi, who then   
flew off ecstatically in the opposite direction with a fleeting "Good luck, Link!"   
But I had no time to look further before a reddish haze of pair engulfed me. Blood   
trickled from the corner of my mouth. I managed to say "Ow" before another blow to the   
jaw sent me reeling. I had barely gotten up before I noticed his index and middle finger   
of his left hand were pointed at me like the barrel of a gun.

*Not good.*

A blinding flash and piercing ray of light emanated from the fingers. I jumped aside and   
rolled to my feet.

"You...missed..." I gasped.

"Ya sure?" he sneered.

I looked down at my shoulder. Blood flowed down the front of my tunic and my   
collarbone was visible. The shot had grazed my shoulder. Bad. I collapsed on the grass as   
the leering figure stood over me.

"You'll have learned a lesson when I'm through with you." He grinned viciously.

"Revenge is sweet!"

He grabbed my collar with one hand and put the other over my mouth. Holding me at   
arm's length over his head, I struggled weakly.

With his laughter ringing through my ears, I felt myself losing consciousness.

The last thing that went through my mind was, quote: *Shit.*

***

"That stomp wasn't too shabby, Yoshi."

"Yoooooooooooshiiiiiiiiiiii!" Neither was that fireball. It's a good thing you discovered   
that attack six years ago in that weird tournament.>

"What tournament?"

"Yoshi! Yoshi Yoshi Yoooooooooshiiiiiiii! Yo Yoshi!" WHAT TOURNAMENT? You   
know, a bunch of fighters, a giant floating glove, guy in green with sword kicked his ass,   
you and your brother fought as a tag team, and all the fighters got the royal treatment   
between fights? _I_ know that I will never forget one of the things I was given.> Yoshi   
sighed, remembering that rosy pink Yoshi that he'd met between one of his battles.

"You're _still_ upset about losing Rosy?"

"Yooooooshiiiiii!" Well why shouldn't I? She was kind, gentle, smart,   
beautiful, and had a name that didn't end in 'shi'!> (Editor's note: Yoshi, Boshi,   
Roshi...Picking up a patern here...-DeadeyeDave)

"Well, I still think...Look out!" he suddenly shouted, pointing upwards at the glowing   
black sphere that was shooting towards the two of them. But despite Yoshi's speed and   
Mario's warning, the spheres enveloped them after approximately 5 seconds of running.   
While inside the balls, they could only move their eyes. And just before passing out from   
asphyxiation, they saw to their left a fleeting glimpse of a shadowy figure floating in the   
air a few feet away.

"Help...me..." rasped Mario.

"Oh, I don't think I will do that," said the figure, who then began to laugh.

Finally, with a gasp, Mario passed out.

***

"Ms. Aran, I do believe that you should stop sunning yourself and come in."

"Listen, _Jeeves_, I _do believe_ you should stop telling me how to live my life. I didn't   
spend years and years trying it kill an evil superconsciousness so I could use the bounty   
to hire a butler to psychoanalyze me! And besides, shouldn't you be scheduling my date   
with Aaron?"

"Whatever you say, Ms. Justin Bailey."

Ms. Aran thought about this for a while.

"And stop using slang from the 1800's!" she yelled. (Editor's Note: Inside joke-Deadeye)

"Otherwise, _Ms. Bailey_ will blow your skull apart!"

"Um, I'll go schedule that date now." The robot zoomed off.

"Honestly." Ms. Aran prepared to soak up some rays from the twin suns that hung   
overhead.

"Hey there!" came a voice.

Sitting up, Ms. Aran saw Aaron Seemas, her boyfriend, striding toward her.

"Aaron! I'm surprised to see you!" *That was quick...unless...naaah.*

"Finally that stupid robot butler did something right: He let you in without a fight.   
Aaron started laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked Ms. Aran.

"That comment you made about the robot letting me in."

"What's so funny about that?"

"Well, the robot didn't let me in. I had to blow it up when it saw _me_."

"WHAT?!? Are you okay, Aaron?"

"Samus, I've never felt better!" With a sudden lunge, 'Aaron' shot a bolt of lightning at   
Samus, simultaneously short-circuiting her auto-defense systems and   
knocking her out.

"It's _so_ much fun to exert power over lower life forms," the Master remarked to himself.   
***

"Everything is going according to schedule. Samus was captured easily, Mario and Yoshi   
put up no resistance, and Luigi was captured after. And that fool Link," he spat, "Went   
down easier then I expected. And even though I had to blow a chunk off his shoulder," he   
smiled fiendishly, "He was healed easily. Now go check on the prisoners, or I'll make   
your death _extra_ painful."

With a bow, Mario/Polygon scuttled off.

*Hmm. Link. How the **** could that pathetic elf have defeated my most loyal subject,   
my most obedient and trustworthy minion, and my close personal friend Master Hand?   
He went down so easily, he's such a fraud. I should devise an especially gruesome and   
painful death for him. I know! I'll be the final opponent in the tournament, so if my   
polygon army doesn't messily eradicate him, I'll do the honors myself! Oh yeah, revenge   
is sweet!*

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

End Part One 


	2. Part Two: Motivation

Part 2 Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash 

Disclaimer: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that appear, such as Link, Mario,   
etc. They belong to whoever did create them (You know who you are), and we swear that   
we would put the little "R" symbol after the names, except that 1. We don't know how   
and 2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_cleared up. 

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone. 

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :) 

A final note: You may find out humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
Feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them. 

*** 

Part Two: Motivation 

*** 

Slowly, very slowly, I opened my eyes. I groaned when I saw cold metal above   
my head, but didn't look anywhere else. First, I had to get my bearings, i.e. who I was:   
Link, where I was: no idea, what happened to me: got in some fight with some guy called   
the Master, who I want to sleep with: *Editor's noted: we'll leave this out...for now*.   
Remembering my fight with the Master, I reached for my shoulder, expecting to find   
blood, and feel a piece of bone. Instead, all I felt was cold tunic. I sat up suddenly, and   
looked at my left shoulder and said "What the heck?" No, not the most brilliant comment,   
but what do you say when your shoulder is in perfect condition, when last you saw it, it   
was bleeding profusely and your shoulder bone was sticking out?   
  
When I lifted my gaze from my shoulder, I saw the strangest thing. A large number of   
people were in cages that were surrounded by a shimmering blue field. When I looked   
closely at the people, I felt a bell go off in my memory. After much thinking and   
recalling, I finally remembered who they were, and the rush of memories was almost   
overwhelming: these were the people who were in the Super Smash Tournament with me   
six years ago! I also saw that everyone was unconscious, and some had a large number of   
wounds. "Fox! Kirby!", I cried out to the people I was friends with six years ago.   
  
With a heave, I got myself to a standing position, and began to run to my friends.   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!"   
  
All of a sudden, I was thrown backwards as I touched a shimmering blue wall that   
appeared in front of me. And before I was thrown back, I was given a painful electric   
shock. I landed on my back with a grunt of pain. After spending about five minutes   
recovering, I managed to get back to my feet. I saw that I was surrounded by the same   
shimmering blue field that engulfed the others.   
  
I drew my sword, and slammed into the field, hoping to see the field in some way   
weaken. All that happened was that my sword bounced off the wall, and causing me to   
lose my balance and nearly fall over. * There has to be _some_ way to get out of this   
cage* I thought to myself.   
  
"Why would I go through _all_ this trouble to capture you, and then give you a   
way to escape?", came a sneering, mocking voice.   
  
*The Master!* I thought to myself. *He must of captured me!*   
  
"Yes, it is I, the Master. I hope you didn't hurt yourself _too_ much," he mocked.   
"If you are hurt, just tell me how much and I will make it TEN TIMES WORSE!!!!!", he   
suddenly exploded. I fell over from the blast off his voice. He regained his composure,   
and continued, "You see Link, you have caused a good deal of problems. When you   
defeated my personal friend Master Hand, the whole plane of existence of the Smash   
Tournament collapsed, a large portion of my minions were lost in time, and all the   
fighters escaped my grip. But now, after six years, I have finally accomplished what will   
help me take control of every plane that even exists!", he said, seeming to suddenly glow   
the color gold.   
  
*Man, and I thought Ganondorf was nuts, but this guy is completely out of his mind!"*, I   
thought.   
  
"I am not insane!", he yelled, right after I thought that he was crazy.   
  
*What the....*   
  
"And yes, I can read your thoughts right now, so be careful what you think. Now, on to   
business!", and suddenly pointed to Luigi, who was bleeding here and there, and a bolt of   
orange lightning came out of his finger. I barely had time to think *What the...* before   
the orange lightning hit each wound, and each wound sealed up, and Luigi was   
completely healed. After this lightning therapy, the Master pointed, one by one, to every   
character with a wound, hit them with orange lightning, and that fighter's wounds healed.   
  
"You see," said the Master, as he was healing Captain Falcon (who had several   
burn wounds), "I can heal everyone of you. I'm healing you now because I'll need you to   
be ready to begin your training and hear the explanation of all this."   
  
"What do you mean by 'explanation of all this'?", I asked, trying to find some way to   
fill the silence, and to learn more.   
  
"If you wait, I will tell you all that I want you to know. Now be quiet.", and with   
that he ended the conversation.   
  
*** 

When every fighter was healed, the Master snapped his fingers, and all of them just   
woke up! All of them had different reactions to being inside a cage: Fox shot the   
shimmering blue field with his blaster, but quickly stopped when the shot came back at   
him. Pikachu seemed to crackle with electricity, and shot a huge beam of electricity at   
the blue field! I felt my hopes rise, because the blue field suddenly changed to the color   
red, but when Pikachu stopped and started panting, the field instantly changed back to   
blue.   
  
"As entertaining as it would be to have you injure yourself trying to escape," said   
the Master, "I still don't want to have to waste time healing you _again_. So stop it   
now!", and snapped his fingers, and all the people instantly stopped trying to escape. "Ah,   
that's better. Now, on to the explanation of all this!"   
  
"Pikapikapi!" came a voice. Well, its about time. I was sitting around on the   
beach, we were there for some reason, I don't know, moon-something, talking to Ash,   
and Misty was making eyes at him when he wasn't looking, and Brock was looking at us   
from out of a bush, when all of a sudden, WHAM! Out of no where, we're suddenly   
surrounded by a glowing black ball and then...>   
  
"Shut up! I'm about to explain it! And by the way," he said with a grin, "I can read your   
thoughts as well." 

"Pika Piiii..."I'll shut up now...> 

"Excellent. Now, the reason I have captured you all is to make you pay for defeating the   
Master Hand six years ago." He stared especially hard at me when he said this. "So now I   
am going to have you fight in a second Smash Tournament. I'm going to-" 

"And if we don't want to battle?" I cut in on his sentence. 

"Oh, your right. I _can't_ make you battle. I know!", he said brightly, "I'll give you a   
little motivational boost.", and suddenly, 13 cages were lowered on chains, each with a   
sign marked with a name. When the boxes reached the floor, I saw that the contents of   
the boxes were hidden from view by a simple curtain.   
  
"You see," said the Master, "If you _don't_ fight, I will destroy something you hold   
in high regard." He walked to the cage marked 'Pikachu', and drew open the curtain to   
reveal... 

"PIKACHUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Two figures, one, a male, with shaggy black hair, a vest with several pockets, and   
several strange spheres attached to his belt. The other was a girl, with red hair tied in a   
pony-tail, blue-green eyes, and a backpack. The girl was clinging to the guy's arm, and   
was trembling uncontrollably. 

"Yes, Pikachu, I have Ash and Misty. If you do not fight, I will destroy them both, as   
slowly and painfully as possible." At this, the girl (who I assumed was called Misty) burst   
into tears. Pikachu looked defeated.   
  
One by one, he opened the other cages. Mario's cage held a girl (who I later learned was   
called Peach), Donkey Kong held a female gorilla (who I learned was called Candy   
Kong), Samus's cage held a guy, and when Samus saw this, she cried out "Aaron!". Inside   
the cage marked 'Yoshi', there was a rosy-pink mirror image of Yoshi himself. As he   
came to Kirby's cage, the Master said, "I've made a special exception for you. You'd love   
to destroy this, but if you don't fight, I'll release it." With that, he drew back the curtain,   
revealing a large box containing a black blob with a single white eye, which was staring   
intently at Kirby.   
  
"What is _that_ thing?", I whispered to Kirby.   
  
"It's Dark Matter. I thought I had destroyed it all, but I guess I didn't. Oh yeah, it is   
_really_ evil.", Kirby responded. 

"So I gathered," I muttered, staring at the grotesque blob. 

Next, he opened the cage marked 'Fox'. Inside was a video screen showing a frog   
creature, a rabbit like creature, a human body with a falcon face, and a robot. 

"If you do not comply with my wishes, I will short circuit Rob64, destroy the Star Fox   
Team, and revive Andross and the Star Wolf Team.", threatened the Master. 

Next, he opened Luigi cage, witch had a girl (who I learned was called Daisy), Captain   
Falcon's had a car marked 'Blue Falcon'. He paused before opening Jigglypuff's cage.   
"I've got something very special for you." Slowly, very slowly, he parted the curtains to   
reveal... what looked like quill, except it had a larger point, and what looked like a ball   
with holes at the other end. 

"Jig-al-ly-PUUUFFFFFF!!!!!!!!" The mike marker! NOOOO!!!!!>   


"Pikachu!"Yes! Do us all a favor: destroy it now!> Jigglypuff shot Pikachu the ultimate   
death glare. Inside Ness's cage there was... nothing. Instead, the Master began talking.   
  
"The cage was there for only effect. What I will do if you don't fight is remove your   
psychic powers, return you to Onett, and then launch an attack on Onett that you will be   
helpless to stop." He paused. "In addition to all the old fighters, I have two new ones: the   
Koopa King Bowser, and the Pokemon Hitmonchan!" 

With that, two new cages dropped down, one with a huge, green turtle with a spiky shell,   
and brown bushy _eyebrows_! The other held another monster with boxing gloves, spiky   
hair, and what looked like a tutu. I studied it for a total of five seconds before the opening   
of the cage marked 'Bowser' drew my attention. Inside was a....._piece of paper_!   
  
"What! You fiend! You're holding a piece of paper hostage? You monster!", I said, with a   
massive amout of sarcasm. Then, I took a closer look, and saw writing on the paper. The   
words said: 

The undersigned Koopa King, Bowser, upon winning the Super Smash Tournament, shall   
receive: 

1. His own private plane of existence.   
1a. A castle, fortress, or other dwelling constructed to his exact specifications. 

2. A legion of underlings who will unquestioningly follow your every command. 

3. The undersigned Mario and Luigi, your slaves and prisoners for you to do with as you   
please. 

Signed: 

Assignor: _______________________ (Master) 

Assignee: _______________________ (Bowser) 

Prisoner 1: ______________________ (Mario) 

Prisoner 2: _______________________ (Luigi) 

*** 

"Hmmm," said Bowser. "I don't think..." 

The Master hastily scribbled an extra article. It read: 

4. A free sports car. 

"I'm there!" 

The Master and Bowser signed, and, after much threatening, Mario and Luigi unwillingly   
signed. 

After a long silence, a thought crossed my mind. 

"Why doesn't Hitmonchan..." 

The Master eyed Hitmonchan meaningfully. For the first time I took a good look at it. It   
was viciously punching air and screaming a lot. 

"Hit Hit Hit Hit HITMONCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!" 

"I withdraw my question." 

"Now that's settled, we arrive at Link," the Master sneered. He grinned viciously.   
"Revenge is sweet!" he screamed.   
  
He snapped, and two spotlights focused on the cage marked 'Link.' From out of   
nowhere, a drum roll played. The curtain inched apart to reveal... 

***   
*ZELDA!!!!!! NO!!!!!* I screamed in mind. *I WILL KILL HIM!!!!!!!! I WILL FLAY   
THE FLESH FROM HIS BONES!!!! I WILL RIP OUT HIS INTESTINES AND   
STRANGLE HIM WITH THEM!!! I WILL...I WILL...* I suddenly noticed that the   
Master was clutching his head and moaning.   
  
"Stop thinking so loudly!", he shouted. "It is really hurting my head!"   
  
*WELL TOO BAD!!!!!!! I WILL CHOP YOU INTO TINY LITTLE...*   
  
"If you don't stop, I will destroy Zelda now!!!", he screamed. I immediately stopped. 

*Okay*, I thought, *calm down. Just because this deranged lunatic has captured the most   
beautiful person you know...* 

*Yeah, she _is_ pretty nice,* came a voice in my head. I instantly realized that the   
Master was telepathically talking to me.   
  
"Shut up!", I yelled out loud. The others stared at me, surprised at my sudden outburst   
after being silent for so long. Even Zelda looked faintly surprised.   
  
*Okay, I've got to say something. Something noble and heroic. And mature! Mature!   
Yeah, that's it, mature!* And so I said...   
  
"Zelda, no! I've got to save you!" Yeah, not the most brilliant comment, but I had to say   
_something_.   
  
Kirby shot me a speculative look, and then grinned mischievously.   
  
"For Hyrule! Without her, Hyrule would be devastated!", I said trying to cover my   
embarrassment.   
  
Suddenly, the shimmering blue field that contained all the fighters disappeared, and   
I stepped out. Suddenly, the Master began to talk:   
  
"I have taken you from different planes of existence. Each plane is like a different   
universe, and you each came from a different plane. I captured you and brought you here   
so that you would fight in the Second Super Smash Tournament. I also brought what   
would make you _have_ to fight." He looked evilly at Zelda. I cursed him in my mind,   
hoping he heard me. "The Tournament will begin in a few days. Until then, you will be   
staying..." there was a flash of light,"...here." I looked around.   
  
All around me, there was a city of indiscibible beauty. There were crystal towers, a   
blue sky with white clouds, a grass of vibrant green, and golden mansions that had signs   
in front of them, and the signs said things like 'Link/Zelda' or 'Samus/Aaron'. Kirby sighed   
with relief when he found out that he wouldn't have to share a room with Dark Matter.   
  
At length I figured out the pattern: the mansion with your name is where you stay! So that   
means... I'D BE SHARING A ROOM WITH ZELDA!!! Whoooohooooo!!!!! *Now to   
lapse into a long fantasy dream sequence...* (Editor's note: you don't want to   
know-Deadeye) The Master immediately cringed at this and started shaking. "Ewwww.",   
he said. "I don't think that I'll be reading _your_ thoughts for a while.", and waved his   
right glove in front of his face, and a blue wave appeared in front of him, and I realized   
that he couldn't read my thoughts anymore, which was a _very_ good thing. The Master   
disappeared, and his voice boomed from nowhere:   
  
"_Almost_ anything you ask for will be granted. Just say it aloud and it will appear   
before you. There is a training hall to the South, and the Fighter's Stadium is to the   
North." I looked to the North, and saw a huge, floating stadium. "The Tournament will   
begin in three days. Kirby will fight Yoshi in the opening match. Until then, 'avida say'"   


End Part Two 


	3. Part Three: Training and Preparation

Part 3 Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr.Crash   
Disclaimer: 

We don't own all the Nintendo characters that appear, such as Link, Mario,   
etc. They belong to whoever did create them (You know who you are), and we   
_swear_ that we would have put the little "R" symbol after the names, except   
that:1. We don't know how 2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_ cleared up. 

We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut   
up, we don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries   
generally don't develop strong feelings to anyone. 

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (mostly Mr. Crash's), we   
came up with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :-) 

A final note: You hay find our humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
You can feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not   
read them. 

*** 

Part Three: Training and Preparation 

*** 

After the Master had disappeared, I started to walk to the mansion marked   
'Link/Zelda', my head full of questions. As I reached the front door, my   
left pocket suddenly weighed a little bit heavier, and I reached in and   
pulled out a key. I tried to open the door, but it was locked, so I used the   
key to open it. Inside, I could only think *WOW!* There were carpet floors,   
and there were pictures on the wall, and each door was marked with a signs,   
and the signs were marked with things like 'Kitchen' or 'Bathroom'. I   
paused in front of the door marked 'Zelda's Room', and then knocked on the   
door. I heard a faint "Come in". I opened the door. 

I nearly fell over when I entered the room. There was a floor covered with a   
fine Zora rug, and pictures that showed Kokori Children talking to the Great   
Deku Tree. The walls and ceiling had been made from what I saw was rocks from   
the center of the Goron Mountain, but what made me nearly fall over was who I   
saw sitting on the bed on the far side of the room: Zelda. She was in a   
flowing, blue gown, and had a silver crown that was laden with jewels.   
"Heyoo..hellow...hello, Zelda ." I finally stammered out. I started to step   
towards her, but stopped: I saw that she was crying. "Zelda, what's the   
matter?", I asked. She looked up at me, tears shining in her eyes, and she   
beckoned for me to sit down next to her. I sat down, and she hugged me and   
said: 

"Link, I can't believe it. You told me how you were in a tournament like this   
six years ago and *sob* how it was so bad, because you had to fight so much.   
And what the Master told me..." 

"What do you mean?", I asked. "If he hurt you, I swear that..." 

"No, it wasn't anything like that. After he captured me, he said that you had ruined his   
plans, and that he would make you pay." Her voice lowered. "He said that he was going   
to kill you." 

I laughed softly. "Its not the first time I've had a guy with a lot of power want to kill me." 

"Link!" she said, seeming to brighten a little bit. "You should take this more seriously. I   
mean, I could lose you forever." 

There was an awkward silence between the two of us. 

"Well, uh, I, should, uh, probably....go to my room now, uh, right?" I said, trying to end   
the silence. 

"Uh, yeah. I'll wish you luck." 

"Thanks." I got up and stepped out of the room. (Editor's Note: Unknown to either of   
them, the instant the door closed they both exhaled a sigh of relief at the exact same   
time.-Mr. Crash) I found my room, and prepared to go to sleep. 

*** 

THE NEXT DAY: 

I woke up the next morning, feeling a little bit better. With a yawn, I got up and began to   
get dressed. 

When I was dressed, I went to the room labeled 'Kitchen' and entered. Inside I found   
several tables, and Zelda sitting at one table eating breakfast (Editor's Note: She wasn't   
eating Goron Rock Crunch in the new granite flavor.-DeadeyeDave) I sat down next to   
her and started to eat. While I was just finishing up, she asked me what I was going to do   
today. I said "I'll probably look around the area, say hi to Kirby, and train some." 

She said "Don't work to hard. And say hi to Fox for me, okay?" I told her that I would,   
and then left. 

When I got outside, I headed towards the crystal towers. I found that they were all   
divided into three parts: one third was for specific kinds of training, one third was shops   
(like bars and clothing stores), and the other third was used for celebrating victories in   
battles. 

I headed into one of the training towers that increased your reflex speed, and began to   
train. Inside, you would have objects thrown at you, and you would have to hit them. The   
longer you played, the faster the objects came at you. The first time I played, I went for   
15 minutes without getting hit. The second time, I went for 25 minutes. The third time, I   
went for 28 minutes. I quit playing after the third time. 

After the training, I went back to my mansion, and took a shower, said hi to Zelda, and   
set out again. 

When I went out again, instead of heading to the towers, I instead headed to Kirby's   
mansion. I knocked on the front door when I got there. After a little waiting, Kirby   
answered the door. He invited me inside, and I stepped in. 

The first thing I noticed was how much different his mansion looked in comparison to   
mine. Instead of having stone walls, for example, the walls seemed to be made out of   
some kind of fluff. Also, when he invited me into his kitchen, I noticed it was about five   
times bigger than mine, and that there was food everywhere. We sat down at a table, and   
we talked about what was just normal chit-chat, like how were things before you got   
captured, and what you planned to do (Kirby said that he was going to train on increasing   
his strength mostly before the fight). After that, I invited him to come train with me at the   
tower I had just trained at, and he said that he like to. 

When we got to the tower, we went into separate rooms to train. After we had trained ten   
times each, we went out side, and saw that it was becoming dusk. I said bye to him, and   
then headed back to my mansion. 

When I entered the mansion, I headed to the kitchen, and found Zelda sitting down at a   
table. I had some food, and then wished her a good night. But as I stood up to leave, she   
asked me to sit down next to her. I sat down, and she said "Link, I want you to take care   
of yourself. I don't think I could handle losing you. I mean, you've helped and saved me   
so many times, and you've always managed to survive. But now...your in a situation were   
you're fighting a person who is so much stronger than someone like Ganondorf could   
_ever_ be. Don't even fight if you don't want to, otherwise you could get hurt. Just please   
be careful, okay?" 

"Zelda," I said " I'm glad you care about me. But I _have_ to fight, otherwise he could   
hurt or...or..." I said, my voice breaking "or kill you. If he killed you I just wouldn't be   
able to go on. You mean far too much to me.   
And I would rather him hurt me than hurt you." I grinned slightly. "And besides, I'm the   
invincible Link! I will fight for Hyrule, and defend any fair maiden." I looked at her when   
I said the line about any fair maiden. I looked at her and smiled, and she smiled back. I   
suddenly realized how beautiful she was, in a silky blue gown, and with a golden   
necklace on. Her eyes were a deep blue, and her golden hair was shining. I reached   
forward and brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. I stopped, and then slowly leaned   
toward her, as if to...as if to... 

"I...I've got to go," she said suddenly, and stood up and quickly left the kitchen. I sighed a   
little bit, but then stood up and began to head for my room. I went to sleep, my head full   
of unanswered questions. 

End Part Three   
  



	4. Part Four: So close and yet...

Part Four Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash 

A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that   
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them   
(You know who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after   
the names, except that 1. We don't know how and 2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_   
cleared up. 

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone. 

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :) 

A final note: You hay find our humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
You can feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not   
read them. 

*** 

Part Four: So close and yet... 

*** 

I woke up next morning groggy. I stumbled into the kitchen and brewed a pot of black   
Hylian coffee. As I poured some in a cup, Zelda walked in wearing a floor   
length nightgown with the royal insignia. 

"Well, look who's up! It's Mr. Sunshine!" she said with mock perkiness. 

"You wanna see sunshine? Just wait a minute." I slugged the coffee and picked up the   
newspaper that had inexplicably materialized in front of me. 

*SSB Tribune?* 

*EXTRA EXTRA! MASTER IS GREAT!* I read. 

Zelda saw my confused expression and walked over. I read the sub heading: 

*Future Ruler Of Universe Makes Public Statement.* Zelda read over my shoulder. 

*An unknown plane- Evil overmind Master made a public appearance yesterday,   
proclaiming: "I'm really great. Sure, there are a lot of people who are great, but I'm just   
off the scale. I mean, when people see me, they whisper, 'Man! that guy is really great!'   
My greatness is so great that...* 

"Go fig," Zelda muttered. 

After a few minutes the caffeine kicked in. 

"I....I....I'd b-b-better g-go now." I stuttered. 

"Ooooooookay." Zelda looked speculative. 

"M-m-maybe I'll get d-d-dressed." 

"You do that." *giggle* 

I vibrated my way up the stairs. 

"Oh man I'm hyper, reallyreallyreally hyper..." 

My violently shaking hand turned on the lamp in my bedroom. 

"HyperhyperhyperhyperHYPERHYPER!" 

*** 

I walked outside (dressed). The first thing that I noticed was that a spotlight illuminated   
the stadium to the north. I realized the tournament started today. I also realized it started   
in twenty minutes. 

*Crap!* 

I rushed inside. "Zellllllllllldaaaaaaaa! Hey! ZELDA!" No answer. *She must be there   
already.* I bolted for the stadium. 

One problem presented itself: the stadium was a good 80 or 90 feet over my head. 

"Hey!" I cried. "Let me in!" 

A metallic, robotic voice said, "Identification:" 

"Link" I said. 

"........" 

"Well?" 

"Access granted." 

A metal staircase descended from above. 

"A staircase is being lowered for your convenience. Thank you for coming   
and we hope..." 

The voice slowed down and got lower. 

"T o o o o... s e e e e e e e.......... y o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o   
o o o o u..." 

The voice was replaced with the sneering laugh of the Master. The staircase ground to a   
halt halfway down. 

"Heh heh heh. Loser." 

Thinking quickly, I fired my Longshot. It clicked and I was pulled up. I   
bolted inside. 

What I saw took my breath away. A huge crowd of the purple polygon minions of the   
Master filled the seats. In the middle was a section reserved for all my friends, who   
were already there. In the center of the circular stadium was a huge floating grassy   
platform. Hovering above it was three similar platforms, only smaller and arranged in a   
triangle shape. It was decorated with candy canes, puffy pink stuff, and a tree with a face   
carved on it. Strange. I picked my way through the crowd and found a seat labeled   
"Reserved: Link." It was right next to Zelda. 

I sat down and said hi to Zelda. I was about to say more when... 

"Welcome!" a voice boomed. The crowds cheered. 

"I'm the Master." The crowds cheered. 

"And now, without further ado, I'd like to present our celebrity, here today to sing the   
Earth custom of the 'National Anthem,' _me!_" The crowds went wild.   
  
There was a puff of smoke and there he was, floating over the ring. The crowd fell into   
an eerie silence. He opened his mouth. 

"Gaaaaah!" I was blown over, onto my back, by the sound. 

"OH _SAY_ CAN YOU _SEEEEEEEEEEE_," 

I clutched my ears. 

"BY THE _DAWN'S_ EARLY _LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT_," 

I gritted my teeth to focus through the pain. Zelda was hunched over and was biting her   
tongue to keep from screaming. Not that it would have been heard over 

"WHAT SO _PROUDLY_ WE _HAAAAAAAILED,_ AT THE _TWILIGHT'S_..." 

*** 

"AND THE _ROCKET'S_ RED _GLAAAAAAAAAAARE," 

Samus and Aaron were surrounded by a soundproof force-field. 

*Lucky.* I thought, referring to Aaron. Then came another defining blast: 

"THE BOMBS _BURRRRRRRSTING_ IN _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR_," 

***   
After a finale (You had to be there-No! wait! You don't _want_ to be there!) the fight was   
about to start. 

From the left came a star with a pink blur on top. It bounced off the field and   
disappeared. Kirby waved and I cheered. From the right came a large egg that hit the field   
and began rocking. It split open to reveal the familiar green form of Yoshi. On the giant   
video screens appeared a symbol of a star and an egg. I knew these well. These   
represented an estimation of how much damage each fighter had. Both read, obviously,   
0%. They were unchanged from six years ago. Kirby and Yoshi shook hands (claws) and   
exchanged a few kind words of goodwill and sportsmanship.   
  
"I'm gonna kick the green dino shit outta you!" 

"Yoshi!" The hell you are, shrimp!> 

The Master belted out the classic: 

"LEEEEEEEEET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!!" 

A bell rang and the two cutest pugilists went at it like deranged chimps. 

*** 

Yoshi got the first hit on him, a vicious tail swipe, but Kirby countered with a series of   
rapid punches. Yoshi recovered and leapt into the air, but Kirby countered with   
a brutal smash attack that sent Yoshi flying.   
*Man,* I thought, *That is one bad-ass marshmallow!" 

*** 

MEANWHILE IN HYRULE: 

The king of Hyrule put his head in his hands. Who could have stolen Princess Zelda from   
out under his nose? (Figuratively.) he had dispatched a royal search party to turn Hyrule   
upside down, (figuratively again,) but they had no luck. How could this happen? 

IN KOKORI: 

Saria sat sulking. How could he _do_ this to me? You'd think that people got _more_   
responsible when they got older, not _less_! Link's been gone for _three days_! He said   
he was coming to visit me in my special place in the Lost Woods (Remember?-Deadeye)!   
That was 81 hours ago! He is getting a long and boring lecture for this! 

*** 

MUSHROOM KINGDOM: 

Complete disarray were the only words to describe the scene. Koopas and Goombas ran   
rampant, fires burned, and swat teams were running around. Princess Peach had been   
missing for days, and where were Mario and Luigi? (Editor's Note: At that exact second   
they were eating peanuts and cheering for a well placed Smash Attack-Deadeye)   
Theywere nowhere to be found. 

The city lay in ruins. 

*** 

A computer at the home of Samus Aran whirred. It had just completed an eighty-mile   
scanner sweep, and found no trace of its master. 

*** 

Kirby glared. He was breathing heavily and bore the singe marks of explosive eggs. One   
eye was shut. I looked up at the huge screen, which registered 150%. I wasn't worried,   
however, because after each fight, the participants were healed. Yoshi had a scar running   
from his shoulder down the front of his body to his leg. It was crescent shaped, which   
meant that it was from a well-placed Final Cutter (Editor's Note: SSB terminology.   
Kirby's Up+B maneuver, known by many names but widely and officially known as Final   
Cutter-Mr. Crash) His tongue hung from the side of his mouth, tied, in many places, into   
knots.Yoshi lunged at Kirby in desperation. Kirby arrested the head-butt by grabbing   
Yoshi's head. But the force lifted him off of his feet and Yoshi charged on. Yoshi   
stopped, still in Kirby's headlock, inches from the edge.   
Kirby lifted Yoshi up. He leaped up, so high I lost sight of them, and then, still holding   
Yoshi, he came screaming down... 

_Off the edge._ 

The two plummeted down, but at the last minute, Kirby released Yoshi from his grip. He   
turned around and puffed madly towards the edge. He gripped the edge with one hand in   
time to watch Yoshi fall. 

Seconds before Yoshi hit, he was stopped by a pillowy cloud. The Master floated next to   
him. 

"Good," he said. "Very entertaining. But I'm afraid, Yoshi, that you've lost." 

"Yoooshiiii..." Darn...> 

Back on the platform, the Master had Kirby and Yoshi shake again. 

"No hard feelings, right?" 

YoYoYoshi Yo Yoshi! No! Besides, were all in this together, right? We all want   
to defeat this lunatic!> 

"I heard that!" 

The Master tried to lift Kirby's arm but he yelped in pain so he stopped trying. 

*How could Kirby break his arm? Does he even have any _bones_? Oh well, who cares!   
He won! All right!* 

The Master shot the same orange lightning and healed both fighters. I piled out of the   
stadium with everyone else. I saw Kirby outside. 

"All right! Go Kirby!" I ran to my friend. 

"Pikapi!" Brilliant!> 

"Way to go!" said Zelda. 

Kirby jumped into my arms. 

"Yes. Very well played. Link will fight Bowser at three tomorrow." 

I froze. I nearly dropped Kirby. I had no idea Iâ€™d be fighting so _soon_! 

*Wait. Isn't Bowser...*   
"Yes." The Master had decided to read my thoughts again. I deliberately thought the   
same thing that caused him to stop. He shuddered and repeated the   
thought blocking motion. 

*Bowser is a big turtle with spikes an...and eyebrows! There's no ****in'   
_way_ I can beat him! No, wait. That's not the Link spirit! That's not the Link style!   
That's not the...* 

"Link? Link? Come on! Everyone's left! Honestly, you're in a world of your own!" 

Zelda giggled and dragged me home. 

*** 

I had been in my bedroom all afternoon, thinking about my match with Bowser. My   
musing was interrupted by a knock. Zelda walked in and sat down beside me. 

"You're worried about something, aren't you?" 

"Yeah." 

"It's about the match, isn't it." 

"Yes. I just don't think that..." 

"Don't say that! I'm behind you all the way!" 

*Huh?* 

"I've known you for so long, I can't let you quit now! I care too much about you! And I   
know that you lo...care about me, too! So don't give up!" 

"Zelda..." My mind short circuited. *Nyarrrgggghhhhh...Zelda..Talking...* 

"Don't give up!" she repeated. "I'll be behind you no matter what! I'll heal your wounds,   
I'll help however I can, and I'll always be there for you!" 

"Tha...thank you, Zelda." 

"No, thank you, Link." She looked into my eyes. Her face was very close.   
*Gurrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkk...gaaaaak...guuuuuuuuuuk...* My entire attention was focused into   
not flopping around on the floor having grand mal seizures. 

"Zelda, I..." She waited to hear the inevitable. 

*KNOCK KNOCK* "Hey, Link! C'mon, lets go to the party!"   
"C...c...coming!"   
I opened the door. Kirby dragged me off. I heard a fleeting call of "Have fun!" 

*Link...* 

*Zelda...* 

On the way to the party, I was totally in dream land ( Editor's Note: So was Kirby...get   
it?-Deadeye) I came to my senses when I walked into a tree. 

*** 

I remember the party pretty well. At least, the _first_ part, anyway. There was food,   
drinking, music, drinking, and drinking. I remember that Kirby tried to suck in three   
mugs of beer on coasters, and did: and also sucked in my head and the coaster. He spat   
out my head and two coasters. One of the last things I remember was Kirby and I singing   
a song. It was an epic poem, beginning with: 

OWhy do I divide and square,   
When cosmic force does the inequalities,   
In the Markov chain of fate,   
Embrace pi's undying flair... 

Everything after that is an incomprehensible blur. 

*** 

I woke up the next morning not hung over, but more overly _confused_. First I noticed   
that I was surrounded by green spiky things. I concluded that this was probably not   
normal. Next I was on the ground and covered in dirt. Also: 

*Hmm. Headache, nausea...* 

I ran a silent movie in my mind. It was entitled: Link's Night Out. 

Link goes to party.-SCENE MISSING-Link sings about tensor algebra.-SCENE   
MISSING-Link accepts a Pulitzer Prize on floating donut in front of cheering crowd of   
frogs-SCENE MISSING-Link dances with goat.-SCENE MISSING-SCENE   
MISSING-The End. 

*Hm. No help there.* 

At length I realized something: 

*I slept in the bushes! That explains EVERYTHING!* 

I put it all together: 

*Hmm, slept outside, amnesia, headache, fell slightly sick...Aha! I got completely   
hammered at the party last night! Link cracks the case!* I paused. *Wait a minute. That's   
_bad_.* 

I struggled to my way out of the bushes. Eventually, Kirby walked up to me. He gave me   
a glass of water and three aspirin.   
"I figured you'd be needing this. I know _I_ did." He walked off. I swallowed the pills.   
Much better. 

Fox wandered by. "Hey, are you all right?" 

"Yeah. I just need a shower and a strong cup of coffee." 

Fox started chuckling. "You made a complete ass of yourself." 

"So I gathered." I kicked a few pebbles as I surveyed my dirty and mangled tunic. 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"I can't remember a thing. What did I do?" I quickly bit my tongue. I wished I hadn't said   
that. 

"If you really want to know...Well, for starters, you kept looking down   
Samus's shirt..." 

"Oh god..." 

Fox noticed my shocked and ashamed expression. 

"And, um...maybe you don't _want_ to hear the rest..." He thought a bit, and a huge grin   
spread across his face. He struggled to suppress laughter, but failed miserably. 

"BWA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!!!! HA HA..." 

I glared at him indignantly. 

"He-he...Whoo...¦I gotta go... heh heh..." He walked off, clutching his sides and   
laughing quietly.   
The ol' thought process kicked into action. A thought hit me the way a cow is   
hit by an oncoming train: *Oh no!!! What if I've hurt Zelda, or worse?!* 

(Editor's note: If you've read Pokemon: Reunions and Resolutions (R &R),   
then you know what we're talking about-DeadeyeDave Heh, heh, heh...-Mr. Crash)   
I rushed inside. But fortunately, no long term harm had been done...probably.   
True, she was a little worried over the minor detail that I have been gone all night, but I   
easily allayed her fear. 

"Um...ya see, uh, I...had, to umm, battle evil, and...I mean, I fell into a ditch,   
and I...uh...got all dirty and broke my leg, and, uhh...had to wait till morning to get   
healed, uh, yeah, that's it, yeah!" 

Oh well. She probably had a _pretty_ good idea of what I'd done all along,   
but she wasn'y _too_ mad. Just a lecture on responsibility, yadda yadda, don't   
get plastered and act like a total weirdo, blah balh blah...you could almost _see_ the   
concentric circles in my eyes. She walked off. 

*What a moron. But it's part of his charm...his irrational, headstrong charm* 

*** 

I thought long and hard about what Zelda had said yesterday. I can't give up. I can beat   
Bowser if I try hard enough. I had been thinking for so long, I didn't even realize that it   
was time to start for the match to start. Zelda came in, and sat down on my bed. 

"Don't worry.", she said. "Just put your mind to it." 

I gave her a determined look, but then smiled. She smiled back, and clasped   
my hands to her own.   
"Ill always be there for you. Don't give up. You never have before." 

She embraced me and put her head on my shoulder. Wow. We sat like this in silence. 

"I have to go.", I said, breaking the silence.   
"I'll be there for you! And remember: Never lose hope until all hope is lost!" 

I looked blank. "But if I never lose hope until all hope is lost, then it is   
impossible..." 

"I know! Gotcha!" We laughed together for a while, and then I left. I walked toward the   
stadium, completely lost in thought.   
  
*** 

"Do I _really_ have to do this?", I lamented. 

"Quiet! I will ask the questions!", the Master snapped. 

"Fine." I was referring to how I would have to make my entrance to the fight. I would   
drift down to the platform, surrounded by blue light, and blue fog. It was going to be _so_   
humiliating.   
"And remember," the Master sneered, "never lose hope until all hope is lost!" 

*How...why...HEY!!!* 

"You've been spying on us!!!!", I screamed. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" 

I could only stare at him with hatred. I couldn't challenge him, because he was too   
strong! Now all that was left was to wait for the fight to start. 

End Part Four 


	5. Part Five: Victory

Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
A Fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash   
  
A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that   
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them   
(You know who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after   
the names, except that   
1. We don't know how and   
2. we are lazy.   
Okay, _that's_ cleared up.   
  
P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone.   
  
We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :)   
  
A final note: You hay find our humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
You can feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not   
read them.   
  
***   
  
Part Five: Victory   
  
Zelda walked up the flight of stairs. She entered the stadium and was relieved to find the   
battle arena was Hyrule Castle.   
  
"At least he's in his home turf," she said to herself.   
  
***   
  
"Well, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Time to do my thing!"   
  
"Yes," said the Master. *There is no _way_,* he thought, * that scrawny little elf can beat   
Bowser!* (Editor's note: Little did he know that, to quote Nintendo Power, 'Link may   
look like a scrawny little elf, but he has the strength of _ten_ scrawny little   
elves!'-Deadeye)   
  
"Ya wanna bet?" I asked. The Master fumed as he realized that he was broadcasting his   
thoughts. *This gets _really_ annoying sometimes.*   
  
"I bet!" I ran off.   
  
***   
Meanwhile outside, a rousing Hylian march began to play. I floated gracefully to the   
ground. I waved and smiled weakly at Zelda. She said something, but I couldn't hear over   
the roar of the cybernetic crowd. But I was fairly sure it was, "...'Till all hope is lost!"   
  
I turned back to see a billowing cloud of flame in front of me.   
  
*This is _not helping_!*   
  
The flames stopped, revealing Bowser. He flexed his Koopa muscles. I swallowed, but   
regained my composure.   
  
*'Till all hope is lost, 'Till all hope is lost...*   
  
We shook hands (spikes). I withdrew my sword. A bell rang.   
  
***   
  
Most of the fight was a blur. I remember the crowds were pleased. I also remember   
blowing up Bowser with a bomb, but he countered by inhaling and breathing fire. It   
singed my hair and clothes. I remember coughing up blood after a vicious uppercut to the   
ribs. The only thing that kept me going was   
  
*...all hope is lost, 'Till all hope is lost, 'Till all...*   
  
***   
  
I panted heavily and spit blood out of my mouth. A vicious slash from Bowser had torn   
off the left part of my tunic from the shoulder to my belt. A deep line of red went down   
my bared chest. On the rest of my outfit, in many places, five lines (claw marks) with   
corresponding deep gashes. One leg couldn't support my weight and I limped. My   
damage registered at 210%. Not good.   
  
Bowser had a few scratches (the best my sword could manage) and a few singe marks   
from my bombs, but he looked calm and smug. His damage was 50%.   
  
I blinked as a drop of blood trickled down from my hairline. It flowed down my forehead   
and over my eyebrows, obscuring my vision with a haze of red. Bowser chose that   
moment to lower his horns. I braced myself and feebly repeated, "'Till all hope...is   
lost...Arrrrugh!"   
  
I was thrown through the air and landed inches from the edge. I was paralyzed with pain.   
Bowser smirked. He wanted to finish the fight with one blow. And here it comes...   
  
It's impossible to describe the flimsy, scarcely sane whim upon which I acted. But it   
worked.   
  
Gripping the edge behind me, I arched my back. Seconds before he hit, I did a backflip   
and clung to the edge. A startled Bowser tried to stop, but was sent flailing off the edge. I   
watched his windmilling arms fall ever downward. I pulled myself up and turned to face   
Zelda in the stands.   
  
"NEVER LOSE HOPE," I screamed. Zelda's eyes met my own. With my last ounce of   
strength, I struck a pose. " 'TILL ALL HOPE...IS LOST!" Zelda's eye's welled with tears   
of joy. I collapsed on the ground. The crowds went wild.   
  
I was healed as quickly as possible, but it didn't help my shredded tunic. Let me tell you.   
When someone lifts your hand in the air, it's the best feeling in the world! I shook hands   
with Bowser, who regretfully agreed that we should unite against a common enemy. I   
was led outside, where Zelda was waiting for me.   
  
In slow motion, we ran towards each other, tears glistening in our eyes. She leapt into the   
air. I caught her on the way down.   
  
" 'Till all hope is lost!" we said almost simultaneously.   
  
Fox thumped me on the back. "Awesome! What a comeback!"   
  
Pika pi! WOW!   
  
Puff! Excellent!   
  
Amid a sea of compliments, I walked home hand in hand with Zelda. Fox watched our   
departure, a lighthearted look replacing his usually serious countenance.   
  
"They make a great couple."   
  
Pikapi! I should know!   
  
"Huh?"   
  
Pikachu! How 'bout Ash and Misty?   
  
"You have a point!"   
  
Pipipipipipipi!   
  
***   
  
I lay in bed and looked out the window at the setting sun. The door opened and Zelda   
came in with a tray of tea. I thanked her and she left. I began to think. Zelda...I knew I   
felt something for her, and she felt likewise. But it was still hazy and imperceptible. I   
tried to stop thinking but I couldn't. I fell asleep repeating in my mind the time yesterday   
when we almost...almost...   
  
***   
  
I was awakened by a blinding ray of light and a calm and soothing, "Hey! Hey   
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!"   
  
"Gah!"   
  
"Wake up! You slept through dinner and all night! You must have been pretty tired!"   
Two separate blurred images merged into one.   
  
"But I don't _wanna_ go to school..."   
  
I became aware that Zelda was shaking me.   
  
"Wake up!"   
  
"Hey," I said." If _you'd_ just finished fighting an eight-foot tall, irate, firebreathing   
turtle with spikes and eyebrows, _you'd_ be pretty tired _too_! Eyebrows! Do you hear   
me, Zelda? EYEBROWS!" I jabbed the table with my finger.   
  
"Well, I hope you're rested _now_, 'cause we had to reschedule your victory party!"   
  
"My what now?"   
  
"Your _victory party_! A 210-50 upset doesn't come along every day!"   
  
My eyes went wide. "You...threw a party? For me?"   
  
"Of course, silly!"   
  
"Thanks!"   
  
"You also missed the announcement of the next match, too. Hitmonchan will fight the   
Yoshi team."   
  
"Now _this_ I gotta see!"   
  
I dressed as quickly as possible and inhaled a bowl of cereal, Kirby-style. I was out the   
door.   
  
***   
  
At the stadium, I noticed that there was a new ring. I looked like an oversized boxing   
ring, with ropes and turnbuckles. A sphere, like the ones what's his name, Ash, carried,   
was thrown into the ring. It split open with a flash of light to reveal Hitmonchan. It   
surveyed the ring with satisfaction. But three Yoshis dropped from the sky and the fight   
was on.   
  
***   
  
It is impossible to describe the scene that ensued. If I could sum it up in one word, it   
would be: "DUCK!"   
  
The instant the fight started, Hitmonchan went completely berserk. Yoshis came at it, but   
each went sailing off with a single punch. The viewscreen couldn't handle all the Yoshis   
entering and leaving the fight: it malfunctioned, and burned out with a shower of sparks.   
Meanwhile the fight raged on.   
  
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! MOOOOOOOOOOON! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"   
  
I dodged one flying Yoshi, then another. I was about to warn Zelda about a third when...   
  
*Wham!*   
  
A red Yoshi laid dazed in my lap. I levered it off and onto the ground. Sheesh.   
  
Finally there was only one Yoshi left. Hitmonchan caught it with a glancing blow to the   
jaw and it was sent reeling into the ropes, but bounced back. Hitmonchan started to wind   
up, up, up....   
  
*Sigh,* it thought. *No rest for the ruthless...*   
  
*POW!*   
  
The last Yoshi sailed over the horizon. Hitmonchan folded its arms in satisfaction.   
  
"Hit!"   
  
***   
  
THAT NIGHT, AT LINK'S VICTORY PARTY:   
  
I wandered around in search of Zelda. The music was about to start and I wanted to   
dance with her. Not finding her, I grew worried. I turned around to see a redhead with sea   
blue-green eyes, whats-her-name, um, Misty? Yeah.   
  
"Want to dance?" she asked brightly.   
  
I thought a while. "Ahh, okay..."   
  
*What could go wrong?*   
  
More then I could possibly imagine.   
  
Misty was a good dancer, and I quickly picked it up. Pretty soon, the others had stopped   
and turned to watch us. We were having so much fun that we didn't notice two faces.   
  
*What's he doing? Why isn't he dancing with me? He's out there with...MISTY??? What   
is he thinking?*   
  
*Where,* thought Ash Kechum, *Is Misty? She said she wanted to dance with me, but   
she disappeared...I thought she...WHAT THE HELL?*   
  
Unbeknownst to me, Ash and Zelda met. They unanimously agreed to one unspoken   
thought:   
  
*They're gonna pay.*   
  
Meanwhile the song was nearing the end. Misty and I did a graceful finale and bowed as   
everyone clapped.   
  
*We'll need a diversion,* they unanimously thought.   
  
A yellow blur appeared between us.   
  
There was a blinding flash of light.   
  
I lost consciousness.   
  
***   
  
I woke up a few minutes later. My hair and clothes were blackened and charred. I   
became aware that Zelda was shaking me.   
  
"Huh? Who? What? Where?"   
  
Before I could continue, Zenda drew back and   
  
*THWACK!*   
  
My burning cheek throbbed from the slap. I stifled my anger, saying only, "Come with   
me." I led her towards a door. I got a glimpse of Ash chewing out Misty. I slammed the   
door behind me.   
  
"Listen," I pronounced, with amazing restraint. "Listen very carefully." It couldn't last.   
  
"WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"   
  
"Um...you...I wanted to dance with you but..."   
  
I could tell what she ment, and handled it in a mature, responsible manner.   
  
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THE **** SHE WAS OR WHERE THE **** SHE CAME   
FROM! I DIDN'T KNOW SHE ******* EXISTED UNTIL NOW!"   
  
"But you didn't wait for me and..."   
  
"And naturally you assumed that I would rather dance with a total stranger then with   
you."   
  
"Oh no...I'm so sorry!"   
  
"I'm sorry too. But you know, I would hav much rather danced with you because I   
lo...GAAAAK!   
  
The door flew open and Ash dragged me outside. With "Ooh's" and "Ahh's" the crowd   
followed.   
  
"No weapons," Ash said coldly. He handed his balls to Misty. (Don't say it! You know   
what we mean. You're disgusting.-Deadeye) I tossed my sword to Zelda in time for Ash   
to lunge at me.   
  
***   
  
I lay on the ground, one eye black and one nose bleeding. Ash charged, but...   
  
I rolled to my knees, stuck out my leg, spun around and tripped him. I sprang and began   
to pummel him.   
  
I grabbed Ash's collar and began to punch his head like a speed bag. I was sure I heard a   
snap and a distinct *crunch* when...   
  
"As much as it amuses me to see people in agony, and it does, I'm a busy man. So stop it.   
Now!" The Master shot a bolt of lightning at me and Ash, flinging us apart.   
  
"You can heal yourselves. Now behave!" The Master vanished.   
  
Misty and Zelda ran to Ash and my aid, respectively. I looked at Zelda, then at Misty   
before I walked home in silence and went to bed.   
  
I awoke the next morning and ate a leisurely breakfast. I heard a creaking door and saw   
Zelda sneak by.   
  
"Where have you been?" I asked.   
  
"Well, uh, I wanted to apologize, and I was going to surprise you, but..." She paused.   
  
"But?"   
  
"Well...here." She smiled as I opened a bag and found a brand new tunic.   
  
"Th...thanks! I've been having to wear this one ever since the fight with Bowser!" I   
gestured at my torn and shredded old tunic. (At the time he was wearing pajamas. No.   
You're sick.-Deadeye)   
  
"I...uh...also wanted to make up, and I got you something, too..." I produced a small box.   
She opened it to reveal the solid gold neclace I had bought her the night before, with a   
Triforce at the bottom.   
  
"Oh...Link...you didn't have to...it's beautiful!"   
  
"I thought you'd like it."   
  
We paused for a while, then I said, "I think I'll go train some."   
  
"Be back before four, you'll be fighting Jigglypuff."   
  
"No problem!" I smiled and then walked out the door.   
  
End Part Five   
  
  



	6. Part Six: Bonding

Part 6 Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash 

A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that   
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them   
(You know who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after   
the names, except that 1. We don't know how and 2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_   
cleared up. 

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone. 

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :) 

A final note: You may find out humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
Feel free to write long, threatining letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them. 

*** 

Part Six: Bonding 

I walked up the hill towards the crystal towers. I had decided to train in the   
'all-around' chamber, where they tested your skills on every level. Rumor has it that it is   
some kind of obstacle course. I saw Fox and called to him.   
  
"Hey! Fox! Come train with me!" 

"Where are you going?" 

"I'm training in the all around chamber! It should be good." 

"Alright, I'll come." 

We stepped into the room and closed the door. I saw it was similar to the speed   
training room. But I didn't have much time to admire the decor. The door I had come in   
through was suddenly barred by a shield of metal. The door across the room was also   
barred. Three hatches opened in the ceiling and three robotic balls appeared. They   
hovered briefly, then flew at us. 

I dodged two and hit the third. Fox hit the others. They dropped to the floor. But that was   
just the beginning. 

*** 

THREE HOURS LATER: 

There were now about 50 or 60 of the balls in the room. Fox was bleeding and I had   
lacerations on my face. I looked across the room. A good twenty or thirty of the balls   
were coming at Fox. When I saw his peril, something snapped. Without thinking, I hurled   
myself in front of them. Then, in a blind rage, I went all out. I could barely see, but I   
somehow knew where to strike. The balls continued to fly, but I felt I had limitless   
energy. At last, the final robot ball flew towards me. I swung back and forward as hard as   
possible. But it seemed unharmed. Then I saw a thin line across it. It paused briefly, then   
exploded. 

I panted heavily, but sighed with relief as I saw the door to the next room open. I dropped   
heavily to my knees. 

*** 

MEANWHILE: 

Zelda walked about town. She was bored with shopping. She had decided that everyone's   
color scheme was all wrong. So, she had bought everyone new outfits. For Link she had   
gotten red, blue and black tunics, for Fox a new uniform, and several cans of spray paint   
for Kirby. For Pikachu, she had gotten an array of colorful party hats. She was about to   
knock on the door to Pikachu's house. 

"Hi!" 

Zelda whirled around to see Kirby behind her. She greeted him warmly and brought up   
the spray paint. At first Kirby was reluctant to try, but he soon caved in. First, Zelda tried   
the green paint. 

"Now you're sure this washes off, right?" 

"Yes. Hold still." Zelda finished the last patch and gave Kirby a hand mirror. 

"Oh gross! Green is not my color!" 

After many a pleading look, Kirby agreed to try the blue paint. He was much more   
satisfied. 

"Great! This is the best thing since sliced bread!" Kirby said. "And thetoaster, which   
optimizes your use of sliced bread!" he added. "And you can put butter on it, and jam,   
and peanut butter, and also you can have cereal. But no breakfast is complete without..." 

"What _is_ it with you and food?" 

"See, here's my philosophy. If the goal of all creatures is to be happy, and food makes   
you happy, the more food you eat, the happier you are, and subsequently, on the cosmic   
scale, you are a higher rank. So I am the dominant creature in this realm." 

Zelda detected several flaws with this ideom but kept her thoughts to herself. 

"I can easily include this ideal in everyday life. Watch." Kirby produced, from nowhere   
in particular, a large slice of devil's food cake, and ate it in one bite. 

"Thesh gap widensh!" he exclaimed, his speech slurred by the gobs of food. "Yesh!" 

Zelda rolled her eyes. 

"Worksh for me." 

Kirby wandered off (it was lunchtime) and Zelda knocked on the door. The man she   
recognized as Ash opened the door. 

"Hi, come on in." Then he blushed. "Sorry about last night. It's just..." 

"It's all right." Zelda walked onward to find Misty and Pikachu sitting at a low, Japanese   
style table, eating. *Oh no, not them too!* 

"Hi!" said Misty, mouth full. "What bringsh you here?" 

"Pikachu!" remarked Pikachu. 

"I had just gone out and I bought everyone new outfits. Here, these are for Pikachu."   
Zelda handed the bag to the happy Pokemon. He put on a green one. 

"He likesh it," Misty said. She swallowed the food. "What have you got for me?" 

Zelda looked blank. "Huh? You? I mean, I, uh, don't...I just got things for the   
fighters...I'm..." 

"Ha ha! Got you!" Misty laughed. Zelda tried to look indignant but was overcome by   
laughter. 

"Why don't you stay awhile?" Misty asked politely. "I've got some hot tea and plenty of   
_food_!" 

Zelda refrained from rolling her eyeballs into the next state and said, "Sure."   
*** 

Later: 

Zelda and Misty sat chatting. Misty sipped her tea. As she sipped, Zelda noticed a   
sparkle. Upon closer examination, it hit her... 

"Oh....My....Oh my gosh!" 

"Hmm?" Misty was startled. "What?" 

"That's...a...you got married?!?!?" 

"Mmm. Yes. I was going to tell you," said Misty nonchalantly, "But we were eating." 

This went unnoticed. "That is...wha...how...who...you and...Ash?" 

"No, me and Tracy. Yes Ash." Misty blushed slightly and giggled. 

Right on cue, Ash stepped in, grinning like an idiot, stood there for a while, and then,   
without saying a word, wandered off. As one, Zelda and Misty rolled their eyes. But   
Zelda's shock remained. 

"Why...That's wonderful...I don't know what to say..." 

"It's all right. I'm glad you approve." 

"I...I'm so happy...I...knew it was meant to be!" 

"Yes, yes." Misty looked strangely irked. 

"I...I...I...I..." 

"HEY! SNAP OUT OF IT!" 

"S...sorry..." 

"I am too. But it's becoming a theme. It gets _really_ old, _really_ fast." 

"Well...Wow...I don't what to say, I'm so happy for you..." 

"Yeah, yeah." 

"But what's important is: Are you happy?" 

"Oh yes. Ash is going to start his own Gym, and he's already mortgaged a   
house in Pallet. Rumor has it he's sent his application for a position in the Elite Four."   
Misty smiled. "I'm so proud!" 

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, but I'm proud too!" 

"Well, I'll explain..." Misty paused. "Uh...maybe you don't want to hear the   
explanation." 

"Uh, yeah. So..." Zelda struggled to find a subject. "What you were doing before you   
were captured!" hinted Misty in a low voice. 

"Oh! I know! What were you doing before you were captured? Yeah! That's   
it!" 

"Oh well, if you really want to know...We were on our honeymoon!" 

"Whoa! Now THAT was unexpected!" *Whoops...Big mistake! Correct the   
situation...NOW!* 

"Err...Uh...I mean, how romantic!" 

"Yeah, we were at Cianwood City, and Ash knows how much I love water and stuff. We   
took a luxury cruse, and a tour of the Whirlpool Islands, and had a honeymoon suite! It   
was GREAT!" 

"That's very nice, I'd like to go there some time..." This comment was completely   
repelled and ignored, for Misty had launched into Deep Reminisce Mode and crossed the   
thin red line over the point of no return: there was no coming back. 

"And there were water Pokemon everywhere, including some new ones I'd never seen   
before, and as a wedding present, I got a Totodile, and it's so cute and..." She paused.   
"Well, um, anyway, the point I was trying to make 60 or so words ago is that we had   
gotten some food, and we went to the beach to eat our food, and the food was really   
terrific...Hey, that reminds me, are you hungry? I made some delicious _food_ for dinner!   
I'm sure Ash won't mind if you stay for a while...Besides, there's enough _food_ for at   
least eight people!"" 

"Umm, well, I don't have anything better to do..." 

"Wonderful! So anyway, after we had eaten our food, we were chatting and watching the   
waves break and the sun set, and it was so tranquil...until that Master guy showed up,   
made a few bad jokes about us, captured us and held us as prisoners!" 

*Hold on. Beach...waves...sun...Magicarp...talking...black balls...* 

"Waaaaaaaaaaaait a minute. If it was _your_ honeymoon, then what was Brock doing   
there?" 

"The what now?" 

"Huh? You didn't hear? Uhh..." (Editor's note: Look at Part Two carefully-Deadeye) 

"But...but..." 

"Pikachu said..." 

"_Pikachu_ said? How did you hear?" 

A light bulb went on. "Oooooooooh! Don't you have one of these things?" Zelda stuck   
her finger in her ear and pulled out a tiny electronic device, resembling a hearing aid. 

"What is that?" 

"When I was captured, the Master stuck this in my ear, and said it was a translator that   
would allow us to talk with each other! Didn't you get one?" 

"Uhh...no..." 

Just then, Ash walked in. "Oh, I found this a few days ago in a box with a bunch of labels   
on it saying stuff like, 'Very important' and 'It is imperative that you open this box   
immediately.' Just thought you should know." 

Misty slapped her face to see that it was the same device as the one Zelda had. She put it   
in her ear. 

"Have you ever tried talking with Donkey Kong?" 

"Uh, no..." 

"Well, that's good, 'cause if you did, you couldn't understand a word he's saying without   
these babies!" Zelda slipped the translator into her ear again. 

"Wait. What did you say about...." 

"Oh that? Well, Pikachu said that Brock was spying on you while you were on the beach.   
I don't know how he got there without you finding out..." 

"WHAT???????" 

"Oh, well, I guess it's not that big of a deal. I just thought that itwould be a little   
awkward to have guests on a honeymoon, ya know, what with all the sex   
and all..." 

"Brock...did WHAT?!?!?!?!?" 

"Um..." Zelda finally realized that Misty was angry. *Oh no...* 

"OH MY GOD! I AM GOING TO KILL HIM! RAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" The   
legendary dormant wrath of Misty had been released. The sleeper had   
awakened. Let the hevens tremble. 

It was at that moment Zelda noticed that all the hair on Misty's head, including eyebrows,   
had turned gold, the ground was shaking, and her pupils were turquoise. 

(Editor's Note To People With No Sense Of Perception: This is hyperbole.   
It is not really happening.) 

(Editor's note to the people with the intelligence the God gave a boll weevil: This is yet   
another reference to an obscure pop-culture icon, namely, Dragon Ball Z. If you don't   
understand just ignore it. This will probably happen a lot.) 

"DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! I AM GOING TO RIP HIM LIMB FROM LIMB! I   
WILL TEAR OUT HIS EYEBALLS AND FEED THEM TO A GARYDOS! I'LL RIP   
OFF HIS TONGUE WITH A PAIR OF GARDEN SHEARS AND USE IT TO PAINT   
THE ENTIRE CERULEAN CITY GYM!" Misty ran into the kitchen, grabbed a huge   
steak knife, and sprinted off down the street. 

Ash burst in. "Oh no, not again! We've got to catch her!" Ash, Pikachu and Zelda bolted   
off. 

*** 

Fox and I gaped at each other. We had finally reached the last room of the training   
course. It was unbelievable. We first had to climb a mountain, slide down a rope and   
avoid falling into the bubbling magma below. Then there was a minefield, a maze, a   
swim, and finally a huge swinging pendulum with razor-sharp edges that swung back and   
forth in front of the last door, which led to the outside. 

"Well, we'd better get started. Stick close to me and watch out for traps," I warned. 

"Gotcha. Stay on your toes, watch out, traps are everywhereeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!"   
I leapt across and tackled Fox moments before a huge spear would've impaled him. 

"I think I see what you mean." 

We began the track up the mountain, but about halfway up, a huge avalanche of flaming   
rocks hailed from above. On the other side, we slid down the rope without any problems.   
Next we had to cross a minefield. This was simple enough: I threw a couple of Bombchus   
to do a controlled detonation. It worked well. The hard part was the maze. If you took a   
dead end, a polygon would appear and chase you. There were also bottomless pits, bear   
traps, poison darts, etc. At the end, we swam through a pond infested with all kinds of   
horrible stuff, which I won't go into here. At last, bruised, bleeding, and soaking wet with   
pond scum clinging to our clothes, we had reached the pendulum. Fox got across, but the   
door would only open if all the participants were there. So I ran across, but in my hurry to   
get across, I forgot all about timing...the pendulum hurtled at me...only a split second   
separated life and death... 

*** 

After a wild and dangerous (not to mention high-voltage) chase, Misty was subdued. She   
sat hunched over a cup of strong coffee, shaking uncontrollably. Her raving threats grew   
weaker and weaker. 

"I...I'm g...gonna strangle him with a b...big garden hose...I...I'll beat him into submission   
with a potted plant...I'll impale him with a fork..." 

"I think she'll be all right now." 

"I'm gonna jam a tuna fish up his nasal passages..." Misty paused. There was an audible   
snapping sound. "Let's go eat dinner!" she exclaimed brightly. 

As Zelda and Ash walked to the kitchen, Ash muttered, under his breath, "You think this   
is nuts? Try living with her!" 

"_EXCUSE_ ME???" 

"Ur, nothing...Lets eat now..." 

*** 

I was worried. What would Zelda think if I came home soaking wet and with a slash in   
the new tunic she'd bought me? Facing the music, I opened the door to our house. With a   
sigh of relief I realized she wasn't home. I quickly took of my tunic, washed it, and put   
on a different one. Phew. I set myself to finding her. 

*** 

After much searching, I had deduced it to Pikachu's house. The door was open wide, so I   
walked in to find Zelda, Ash, Misty and Pikachu finishing dinner. 

"Hi! Where have you been?" asked Zelda. 

"Training with Fox. Not easy." 

"Oh! Was it beneficial?" 

"Uh, yeah. Sort of a male bonding thing." 

"Of course. We bond by sharing insights and probing deeply into the human psyche, and   
_you_ bond by risking life and limb for no apparent reason." 

"Works for me. Come on, let's go home." 

End Part 6 


	7. Part Seven: Surprise

Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash   
A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that   
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them   
(You know who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after   
the names, except that 1. We don't know how and 2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_   
cleared up.   
  
P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone.   
  
We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :)   
  
A final note: You may find out humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
Feel free to write long, threatining letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them.   
  
***   
  
Part Seven: Surprise   
  
***   
  
I awoke next morning refreshed and ready for battle. The effects of the training course   
were beginning to show, and I waited eagerly for my match with Jigglypuff. After   
breakfast, Zelda announced that Misty and her had planned a party for after the match. I   
was invited and of course I accepted. At last it was time to go to the battle.   
  
***   
  
When the match began, I felt confident, and that feeling never left me. I dodged the   
attacks with ease, and managed many good attacks. Jugglypuff was helpless. Her damage   
was near 200% and I was ready to move in for the kill. I withdrew my sword.   
  
But at the last second before my deadly finisher struck, I was hit by a glancing blow to   
the face. The damage registered: 5%. But I spoke not a word. I stared at Jigglypuff. A   
drop of blood trickled from the corner of my mouth. I silently pointed my sword to the   
stands, my burning glare never wavering for a second. A hushed murmur rippled through   
the crowd. All eyes were fixated on me. I wound up for a huge home run swing, and...   
WHAM! Jigglypuff was sent tumbling over the horizon. My sword tip   
followed the flight path.   
  
"It's a high fly to deep right field, it could be, it might be, going, _going_..."   
  
I raised the sword over my head and, gripping the sword with my fingers, twirled it   
around. I slammed it back into place on my back in mid-spin.   
  
"IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!"   
  
The crowds burst into a spontaneous uproar.   
  
I folded my arms. "And the crowd goes wild!" I said with satisfaction.   
  
I tossed my sword into the stands and ran an imaginary base path.   
  
***   
  
The Master was in shock. No one, ever, in the long and glorious history of Super Smash,   
had he ever seen _anyone_ come so close to a perfect victory. Never. The elfin warrior   
was not to be underestimated. He would have to work hard to defeat this one.   
  
But not too hard. Heh heh heh.   
  
***   
  
The victory party was utterly unbelievable. I had never, ever, in my entire life, seen such   
a huge, wild and noisy group of people. There was everything you could possibly   
imagine. Including one unwanted guest.   
  
I was dancing with Zelda when a white blur flashed out of the corner of my eye. I froze.   
  
"Huh? Link? What's wrong? Did you not like the food?"   
  
"Z...Zelda...l...look behind you..."   
  
A hushed murmur went through the crowd. People looked around in confusion. A pricing   
scream broke the silence.   
  
"Look!" shrieked Misty. "On the chandelier!"   
  
All eyes were riveted on the ceiling, where I beheld the most monstrous apparition ever to   
arise from the bowels of hell, a fiend of unimaginable magnitude, a hideous tormentor of   
the damned, the lord of the unholy abysmal void of death, the most chilling and   
blood-curdling creature ever to roam the face of the earth! It uttered a single word: One   
that would plunge the room into pandemonium.   
  
"Jigglypuff!"   
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
***   
  
"Huh...what..." I awoke to discover that I was still embracing Zelda in the dance.   
  
*Good, we're still dancing. I wonder why it's so quiet and Zelda isn't moving. Oh well.   
Wait, there's something cold and hard all over! What the heck's going on?*   
  
I turned and looked around the room. There was a flat, hard thing that was parallel to my   
body, but other then that, all the other things in the party room were the same...except...   
  
*Hey! Everything's turned 90 degrees! What? Hmm, this situation calls for some   
sleuthing. Let's see, this big, hard thing must have a name. It's...wait! Something's   
registering! Something broad, ooooo, ooor, fooor, floor, floor! That's it! Floor! The floor   
is what we stand on! O.K., I've got my bearings. But wait! Why am I _on_ the floor? Let   
me try to stand up...*   
  
I did. When I saw everyone asleep, I remembered.   
  
"Oh no! It must have been angry about the fight! I've got to wake everyone up!"   
  
After everyone had been awakened, the party went downhill. Everyone had to wash off   
their faces and go home. I did too.   
  
***   
  
The next fight would be a new match. I wouldn't be fighting, which was a relief. The   
fight was to be between Captain Falcon and Samus, so I knew I was in for some   
fireworks. But with a full day off ahead of me, I looked forward to a relaxing vacation.   
  
I had decided to devote the day to getting to know people better. I had no clue who any   
members of the Star Fox team were, so I figured I'd start there.   
  
I knocked at Fox's house, and entered into a dazzling array of lights, flashy   
I-don't-know-what and all kinds of electronic gizmos. I get headaches just _discribing_ it.   
I saw that there were five distinct rooms in the house. One was festooned in   
oriental-looking, temple-like shrouds which gave the "wise man on misty mountaintop   
with prophetic teachings" look. Next was a flashy, Vegas-looking place, (Editors note:   
Out of meaningless coincidence, Vegas was the name of a swanky, flashy Gerudo   
gambling strip in Gerudo Valley-Deadeye) with all kinds of lights and stuff. To the far   
right was an odd looking door which reminded me of the doors in Kirby's house, except   
that it was painted algae green and had a signs saying "Beware of Frog," "Who Let the   
Frogs Out," and "It's a Frog-Eat-Frog World." To the front was a normal looking door. I   
immediately deduced that this was Fox's room.   
  
*Well, he was always the sane one...*   
  
I tried the door nearest me, which was the misty mountaintop one.   
  
The interior was fashioned much the same, with green fake moss, chirping crickets, and a   
self-recycling babbling brook, which had an ingenious system that pumped water in a   
continuous cycle, so the brook could babble as long as it wanted to. In the center sat a   
large boulder and a smaller rock beside it. On the larger stone sat Peppy Hare (Editor's   
note: DUUUUUUUUUUH!-Mr. Crash and Deadeyedave). He sat cross legged with his   
eyes shut tight and his fingers in his ears. But in this posture, he somehow noticed me   
enter.   
  
"Welcome, young Link. Come and bask in the wealth of knowledge and take the path of   
enlightenment."   
  
*Whoa, creepy. Well...*   
  
I unsteadily sat down on the small rock as I gazed up at him. He opened his eyes and   
removed his fingers.   
  
"What brings you to my domain? Do you seek guidance?"   
  
"Um, no, Peppy, I just wanted to chat."   
  
"Ahh yes, you grow fearful, young one. Evil abounds."   
  
"Um, yeah..."   
  
"Verily and forsooth, my child. Evil ones are afoot. There are tales of the black riders in   
the north,"   
  
"Hey, Peppy?"   
  
"...Monsters abroad,"   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"...Danger abounds,"   
  
"Shut up!"   
  
"There is a dog in the manger,"   
  
"HEY!"   
  
"...A fly in the ointment..."   
  
"HEY!!!!"   
  
"A bee in my bonnet..."   
  
Peppy's body went through several minor spasms.   
  
"Oh, sorry. That happens when I meditate. I go all Confucius-like."   
  
"Hey, um, I gotta go..."   
  
"No! Wait! Let me show you my amazing powers! Pick a number between one and ten."   
  
"Umm, okay...got it...Guess!"   
  
"Well," he said, concentrating. "It's definitely divisible by one, and...probably an odd or   
even number."   
  
"That's a little broad, isn't it?" I rermarked sarcasticly.   
  
"No, no. In business they call it gross prophet margin."   
  
"Uhh, great. I'd better be going..."   
  
Well, maybe I don't want to get to know everyone. Next I tried the door with the Vegas   
stuff. Inside was more flashy stuff, and a large red bed with satin and rich looking velvet.   
On it sat Falco Lombardi. He was reading a magazine. The cover read:   
  
"Lust Hawk! Big color condors inside! Bird of the month: Krystal. Turn ons: Decaying   
fleash. Turn offs: Poachers, oases."   
  
After a while, Falco noticed me and sheepishly grinned.   
  
"Uhh, some light, reading..."   
  
"Yeah, sure."   
  
"So, umm, what's up?"   
  
"Oh, nothing. How 'bout you?"   
  
***   
  
Misty and Zelda had gotten together again for another brunch. With Link out, Zelda had   
been invited. At Misty's, they enjoyed some tea and a light snack. Misty chatted away,   
but Zelda looked strangely preoccupied.   
  
"So," Misty said in a conversational tone, "how've you been?"   
  
"Oh, fine." Zelda continued to stare absent-mindedly.   
  
"What's wrong? You haven't touched your food."   
  
"Oh, well..." She really wanted to tell someone, but her friendship with Misty   
seemed...well, she didn't really trust her. But, then again, she was nice enough and she   
obviously intended to be friends, and she had to tell someone...   
  
"Aww, c'mon! You can tell me! What's wrong?"   
  
Zelda had to say it. She felt like she'd explode if she didn't. Aw, the hell with it. Here   
goes:   
  
"Misty, I've only known you for a little while, but I know that you can keep a secret,   
right?"   
  
"Uhh, yeah..." *Sigh. Why is it always _me_ that has to dispense love advice? Well, she   
needs me...*   
  
"Do you have any advice about men?" A huge sigh escaped her lips. Finally!   
  
Both women smiled. "I knew it! Of course!"   
  
"Well..." Zelda was unsure. "What do you think about me and.............Link?"   
  
***   
  
Falco and I had been talking for a while, usual stuff. But I really had a different purpose   
in mind...   
  
"Falco...Wait a minute. I haven't known you for very long, but you seem like the right   
person, and you look right, and...well..."   
  
*Not again. I'm _always_ the one who has to dispense love advice...*   
  
"Do you have any advice on women?"   
  
"Ha! Everyone asks me that. I don't know why! Well, sure I can help you."   
***   
  
LATER:   
  
"And here's something else, ya gotta fake sensitivity. They love that. Pretend to care.   
And try to disguise you yawns as cries of grief and sympathy for their boring problems."   
  
"Got it." I jotted down some notes on my notepad. It was out of paper, so I took out a   
new one and added the old on the growing pile.   
  
"Now, you need to...WHAT THE HELL?!?!" There was a loud metal scraping sound,   
accompanied by a loud scream. Falco whipped out his blaster as I unsheathed my sword.   
I heard a muffled voice:   
  
"Ow, dammit! Stupid landing gear!" Falco and I looked at each other.   
  
"All right, so you don't wanna work right, eh? Take this!" There was a muffled sound of   
metal clanging.   
  
"And this!" Metal clanging. "And this!" Metal clanging. "And this!" Metal... you get the   
point.   
  
"Fine. Piece of shit."   
  
Falco and I exchanged glances again, when... Wham! The window to the bedroom   
shattered to pieces and a figure leapt in.   
  
"Ha!" it said. "Wasn't expecting THIS, huh?"   
  
"Uh, actually..."   
  
"Silence!" I took in a flight helmet, body armor, a leather jumpsuit, metal boots, and   
gloves. The helmet was removed by a gloved hand. Underneath was...   
  
What looked like a cat's head, but colored shockingly pink. The cat ran a hand through   
her pink hair.   
  
"Hi there, Flyboy, didja miss me?"   
  
Falco grimaced. "Uhh, hi, Katt, haven't seen you in..." *Hmm. What was it, five days?*   
  
"I knew it. 'You pine for me when I'm not near...'" said Katt, singing a Cornairian pop   
song.   
  
"What the heck's going on??" I yelled. "And what is it with you guys! You're all   
animals!"   
"Animals?? What are you talking about?" Falco said. "_You're_ the one who's an   
animal! In fact, the Star Fox team is the only group of people here who _aren't_   
animals!"   
  
"Figures. But...how did you get here?"   
  
"Ohh, that! I just integrated the transdimentional stabilizers with the demoliculizer that I   
found under my couch."   
  
"Wow! That's pure genius!" exclaimed Falco. He quickly shut his mouth. *Well, there's   
a first time for everything...*   
  
I was completely lost.   
  
"Wait, if you have that, all we need to do is reverse the polarity of the warp drive and we   
can all get home!"   
  
"Uhh, actully, The Catspaw is kind of, well, a..." Katt gestured towards the window.   
  
"...a flaming wreck." finished Falco.   
  
"Well then, I guess I'm here to stay! Ms. Monroe, at yer service!" Falco slapped his face.   
He began to eye possible exits.   
  
"Well, um, I just remembered that, uh, well..." Falco was in trouble. I remembered   
something, and pulled out my pocketwatch. I tapped it and hissed "The fight!"   
  
"We've go to go to the fight! It starts soon!" Under his breath, Falco muttered, "Brilliant   
save. I owe you."   
  
"Well, great! I'd love to come!"   
  
"Grrrr...um, sure..."   
  
***   
  
C. Falcon: 300%. Samus Aran: 300%. Gridlock. I calculated that a Falcon Punch or a   
fully charged shot would be enough to kill either. And, coincidentally, here they came...   
  
"Falcon..." He drew way, way back...But Samus beat him too it...   
  
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
There was a blinding flash of light, a huge noise like a slow explosion, and a long scream   
of despair. But before the smoke and light cleared, there was no electrocuted figure flying   
off into the air. An enraged Samus fired a series of rapid shots. Longer, longer...how   
much more could he take? At long last, a weary Samus cease fire and waited. Slowly the   
smoke parted to reveal the figure of Captain Falcon, with the same smug and confident   
look on his face that I had come to know and love. But...Hey! Surrounding his body was   
a red barrier.   
  
*What the...*   
  
Without a moment's pause, we rolled to his feet, hopped over Samus's head, and put her   
in a headlock. He smirked.   
  
"Falcon..." He released the headlock.   
  
"PUNCH!"   
  
***   
  
Katt's armor fell to the floor with a resounding clang, revealing her skintight leather flight   
suit. She sauntered over to the bed where Falco lay. With her hand gripping the zipper to   
the suit, she sat down as well.   
  
"Hey Flyboy, waddia think of these?" *Zzzzzzzzip.*   
  
Falco's head reeled with passion and cheap beer. "Strap in, time for Falco's wild ride..."   
  
***   
  
A few minutes later, two heads emerged from the bed sheets. There was a knock on the   
door, and in stepped...   
  
"FALCO?!?"   
  
Katt glanced at the Falco beside her, then at the one at the door. She blinked rapidly.   
  
"What?" The Falco in bed had become wider and softer. She blinked again. Now it was   
definite. The Falco was turning into a pillow.   
  
"Stop turning into a pillow!" she cried.   
  
"What are you talking about?" said the Falco in the doorway. Kat blinked once more. The   
Falco _was_ a pillow. She looked around her. She was fully clothed, and was   
passionately stroking the valor pillow beside her. She looked at the Falco in the door. He   
snickered.   
  
"I don't know what you were dreaming about, and maybe I don't want to, but I woke you   
up to tell you that me and the boys are going to the bar and grill in town to celebrate   
Captain Falcon's victory. See you later.   
  
Kat flushed red under her pink fur. *Reality. What a gyp.*   
  
***   
  
Ash and I poked our heads into the door of the room where Misty and Zelda were   
chatting. We announced that they would be out for a while.   
  
***   
  
Aaron walked out the door and called to Samus that he'd be going out for awhile and   
didn't know when he'd be back.   
  
***   
  
"So then I says, 'No, that's my foot!'"   
  
"BWAHAHAHA!" The of us collapsed onto the bar in laughter.   
  
"Wait, I want to know something," I said. "How did you shield yourself from that blast!   
You would have been dead meat!"   
  
"Oh, well, I was going to tell you, but, well, no time like the present! Do you remember   
last time, six years ago?"   
  
"Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaah! I remember! I used the shield all the time! It was especially useful   
during the fight with the Master Hand. But I can't remember how to use it..."   
  
Captain Falcon pointed at his temples. "It's all in the mind. You've got to concentrate   
very hard the first time, but when you get it something snaps and after that you can sort of   
control it. This usually happens when you are under extreme pressure of in danger, where   
there is no way to avoid it. But it gets easier every other time." He squinted and a red   
haze surrounded him, which solidified into a barrier. "I'm getting the hang of it! You   
try."   
  
I concentrated as hard as he could, but to no avail. "I think I have to do that danger stuff."   
  
"Hmm...I think I know just the thing!" Captain Falcon looked blank for a few moments,   
then without warning he whipped out his gun and fired at me.   
  
"Aargh!" I braced myself, preparing to feel blinding pain from a hole in his chest. I   
opened his eyes and...   
  
"What the..." Link blinked in surprise. "How did I..."   
  
Captain Falcon gestured upward. There was a hole in the ceiling.   
"Try to form a shield now."   
  
I grimaced and a green mist formed around him. "Wow! I'm doing it!" As soon as I had   
finished saying this, the haze vanished. "Hey!"   
  
"You broke your concentration. Try again."   
  
This time the mist hardened to form a solid green shield.   
  
"After this time, it should be easier."   
  
"Cool!" I exclaimed. "But...You could have killed me!!"   
  
"And that's just the point. When you were cornered in the face of certain death, there was   
no possible way to escape, the instincts that were enhanced to you six years ago are   
awakened and the shield appears. It's an unconscious action that can't be stopped or   
started."   
  
"But why didn't it happen before? Like in a fight?"   
  
"Right, Jigglypuff could have killed you and you would have subconsciously reacted?"   
  
"Well, how about Bowser! He would have killed me!"   
  
"But, you see, your conscious stream of thought had already made up a plan, so the shield   
was needless."   
  
"Ahhh..."   
  
"Youse slobs wanna order yet?" the bartender inquired, startling us.   
  
"Uhh, yeah," I said. "Four draft and, umm... you guys want anything else?"   
  
"Naa."   
  
"Nope."   
  
"I don't think so."   
  
"Okay then." The purple polygon Mario wearing a stained apron wandered off. I glanced   
around the room. A few copies of Yoshi and Samus eating steaks at the tables, a few   
Luigi's off in the corner, a Captain Falcon outside smoking a cigarette, and a drunken   
Donkey Kong smashing furniture until he was subdued by bouncers.   
  
*Well, I guess you could call it the usual... for here at least...* I turned back to find Aaron   
and Falco inhaling their drinks.   
***   
  
Zelda approached the black object in front of her. She had never gotten the hang of these   
'telephone' things, no matter _how_ convenient Misty said it was. With 'the boys' out for   
the night, Zelda had offered to host a get-together for all the ladies. (You know, the party   
thing where all the women get together and talk about floral arrangements and sell   
Tupperware, and, I don't know, clean the toilets or something-DeadeyeDave)   
  
*ring.*   
  
*Hi, who's this?*   
  
"Oh, yes, this is Zelda, and I was thinking that we could have a little get together. Is, uhh,   
Fox out?"   
  
*No, but Falco is. I can come though. Where?*   
  
"My house. You know where, right?"   
  
*Yep. See you soon.*   
  
*Click.*   
  
"Bravo!" applauded Misty. "That's the first time all day that you've used the phone   
without dropping it or disconnecting it or something!"   
  
"Yay. Who's next?"   
  
"Umm, whoever lives at Captain Falcon's house."   
  
"Okay..."   
  
*ring ring. ring ring. ring ring....*   
  
"C'mon, pick up you loser!"   
  
*Click...*   
  
"Huh?"   
  
*Hi. You've reached Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon isn't here to take your call, but if   
you leave a message for Captain Falcon after the beep, Captain Falcon will get back to   
you when Captain Falcon gets home. Captain Falcon over and out. BEEP!*   
  
"Umm, yeah, this is..." began Zelda.   
  
"No! Wait! There's no women at his house! His 'prisoner' is his _car_!"   
  
Zelda and Misty looked at each other.   
  
*Typical.*   
  
***   
  
Captain Falcon chugged his fourth mug and replaced it unsteadily back on the counter.   
Link stared at his third and then over at Falco and his second. Ash was also on his forth   
and Aaron was finishing his second and reaching for a third. Link turned back and   
drained his.   
  
After a few minutes everyone was even in the bingeing competition because Captain   
Falcon and Ash got into an argument about the meaning of life.   
  
"I say its the F-Zero championships, ya idiot!"   
  
"No, it's beating the Elite Four, ya jerk!"   
  
After a mutual agreement between the two that racing and Pokemon were both legitimate   
reasons for the meaning of existence, everyone decided another round of drinks were in   
order.   
  
***   
  
"Dinner is served!" Samus placed a delicious-looking roast down in the middle if the   
table.   
  
"Awesome! Who knew you could bake a roast so well." complimented Zelda.   
  
"Oh well, I have my ways..." Samus nervously eyed the flame-thrower in the kitchen.   
  
"Wow! That looks great!" said Katt eagerly. "Of course, I'm always used to eating   
freeze-dried food and dehydrated water..."   
  
"Dehydrated _water_???"   
  
"Ohh, um...the specs are rather confusing... but it can be reduced to this: Instant water,   
just add hot coffee."   
  
"Uh, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...."   
  
"So, uh...let's eat!"   
  
"I hope the boys are having as much fun as we are!"   
***   
  
A thought crossed Aaron's mind as he was downing his sixth. "Hey. Does Falco have a   
shield?"   
  
"Ohh, yeah." Falco reminisced. "Katt and I got in another argument and she threw a clock   
at me. I shielded and she slapped me again."   
  
"Oh man! I thought you were the ladies man!"   
  
"Hey, shut up! She's a nuance."   
  
"HAHAHA! Pathetic! What a loser!"   
  
"Shut up!" Falco labored mightily to rise to his feet. "Shut up!" he reiterated.   
  
"Oh yeah??" Aaron endeavored to stand.   
  
"Yeah!"   
  
"Moron!"   
  
"Idiot!"   
  
"Jerk!"   
  
"Dork!"   
  
"Flit!"   
  
"Wart!"   
  
"Alright, that's it!" Aaron hefted the glass stein and hurled it at Falco. A cackling field of   
electricity formed around Falco's body. The mug hit it and was deflected strait back at   
Aaron's forehead. It shattered into tiny pieces.   
  
Aaron paused. He was apparently trying to think. Several fat drops of blood oozed down   
over his nose. A small shard was embedded in his head, which then fell out with a tiny   
jing. A good five seconds after impact, he slowly, mechanically ducked down. Another   
second later, his lips formed a syllable.   
  
"Ouch," he said slowly and deliberately. He slowly stood up. He stared ahead for a few   
excruciating more minutes, and then fell stiffly backwards. There was a dull thud. The   
others roared with laughter.   
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they roared, laughing. Ash wiped away a tear.   
"That's what we call SLPRT."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Slowpoke Reaction Time!"   
  
***   
  
Dinner was long over, considering it was twelve midnight and none of "the boys" had   
returned.   
  
"What the hell happened to them?"   
  
"I think I know..."   
  
"Wait," said Zelda. "Maybe we've been the ones who've stayed too late! They're   
probably already at our houses!"   
  
"All right, let's go!" Everyone ran off in opposite directions.   
  
***   
  
Link slammed his eighth on the countertop with a heavy clang. "So's what's new?"   
  
"Huh?" Ash concentrated as hard as possible. "What was that?"   
  
"D'ya wanna rap some?"   
  
"Whatsh that?"   
  
"You know...talk wif your mouth..."   
  
"Well...." Ash considered the many other possibilities, such as...well, who knows. Why   
not?   
  
"So what's the new topic?" he slurred.   
  
"Ahh, well..." Link scratched the back of his head. "I got this real..." He paused, his   
twelve or so functioning brain cells scurrying around in his hippocampus, trying to come   
up with a word, and failing.   
  
"...thingy for a girl..."   
  
"Ahh, women. A woman is like this beer," Ash said, pointing in the drink's general   
direction. "They look good, they smell good, and you'd wrestle a Machamp just to get   
your hands on one!" Ash sniggered. "And that Zelda, man, she's a not half bad...Heh heh   
heh..."   
  
"What?!?"   
  
There was a good fifteen minute pause, with Link trying to come up with a comeback   
line, and Ash trying, for no reason, to determine just exactly _what_ ice cream flavor he   
liked best.   
  
*Hey, wait, doesn't he have that Misty chick...*   
  
*Ya know, when it comes down to it, I really like vanillia.*   
  
"Well...What if I tell Misty you said that!"   
  
Ash recoiled and tried to think of a response. "Oh shit!" Then a strange emotion   
overcame him. Anger.   
  
"Why you little..." Ash took a huge windup, missed his mark by a good three feet and fell   
to the floor.   
  
*Snoreeeeeeeee.*   
  
Link considered, on account of that he was the last one conscious, that it might be   
prudent to head home for the night.   
  
"Uhh, what do I owe you..."   
  
"Ahh, well, um...that'll be...550 rupees."   
  
Link emptied his wallet onto the counter.   
  
"Keep the change." Link staggered out.   
  
***   
  
"No one was there!" Samus lamented.   
  
"Falco still isn't home!"   
  
"Nether is Ash!"   
  
All four women looked at each other. As one, a thought crossed their minds.   
  
*They're gonna live to regret this.*   
  
Misty's hair started glowing gold again.   
  
***   
  
After another hour, there was a squeaking sound and disjointed footsteps. the door slowly   
swung open.   
  
Link stood outside. In front of him was a large wheelbarrow containing Captain Falcon   
and Ash. Aaron was slung over one shoulder and Falco was tucked under the other.   
  
"Here, you might want these back..." Amid shocked, speechless stares Link delivered the   
semiconscious parcels to the feet of the respective women.   
  
"Capt. Crunch and I sleep now..."   
  
End Part 7   



	8. Part Eight: Conflict

Part 8 Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash 

A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that   
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them   
(You know who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after   
the names, except that 1. We don't know how and 2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_   
cleared up. 

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone. 

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :) 

A final note: You may find out humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
Feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them. 

*** 

Part 8: Conflict 

*** 

Death was very near me now. Death, I knew, had never been nearer. I looked on in   
helpless terror as the flaming rock drew ever closer. A bitter, barking laugh escaped me as   
I contemplated the ironies of my demise. 

I was to die alienated from everything I held dear. I would die in a faraway land, from   
which I did not know how to leave. 

I would die at the age of twelve. Twelve! I was not to know life, love... I would see   
adulthood only with a fluke of time...The Temple of Time...time...time was running out... 

All the people...Hyrule...they would see me no more...the people...Darmini...Princess   
Ruto...Saria...Zelda! Zelda would see me no more, I would never see her again. And what   
was to become of Hyrule? What would happen to it? I wasn't there anymore... 

Why was it that now, even though I would not...could not look away from the tower, I   
felt that there was someone beside me? Yes. Zelda was here. Zelda was beside me   
watching as helplessly as I was, watching my doom. 

The moon was only a few feet from the top of the clock tower. This was it...My final   
enemy...not Gannondorf...not evil monsters...not maniacs with grandiose plans for world   
domination...but a giant moon with a weird face, a goofy Skull Kid, just a puppet for the   
evil mask, and _time._ 

Time! If only I had my Ocarina! The Ocarina of Time! Time! I could use it...to   
manipulate time...that was all I needed to conquer that deadly enemy. Time can work   
with you or against you...with deadly consequences... 

There was a noise like a clap of thunder, like a slow explosion. A huge wall of fire rushed   
forward. I could not run...where can you go when _time_ is against you? I could not   
move. The air grew thick...hot...heavy. I groped around for something to hold on to...but   
there was nothing...Zelda was not there...I knew that before...but why do I feel so sad, not   
of my own death, but of the loss of Zelda? I...I do not know... 

I could not breathe... it was as if the air was a solid mass, filling my lungs. I knew, then,   
that the wall of fire was so close...only a few seconds of life left...I felt myself crying...for   
all the things that I would never see...for the parents I never had, for the home I never   
saw, for the life I'll never live, for the love I'll never know... I was so far...away from my   
home...away from Zelda... 

No! It can't be...Too strong...Zelda must be standing there...I turned my head. Zelda stood   
beside me. I reached out...tried to touch her...a last embrace...but there was nothing. She   
stood, a sliver tear on her cheek. Her ghost-like lips moved...she was saying goodbye... 

My last hope died then. Zelda was not real, I would not die by her side...The wall of fire   
consumed me. It burned off my shirt, it burned off my hat, it burned and burned and   
burned...but _I_ wasn't burned. I felt the fire rushing around me...but I didn't feel burned.   
I only felt the feeling of despondency...and a nagging request to inhale...but of course I   
couldn't. I couldn't move or breathe...like I was facedown on something soft...I felt   
myself slipping...this is the end... 

*** 

My eyes opened with a start. I jerked my head, but not my body, up. I saw the imprint of   
my face on the cushion that I recognized as the one on the sofa in the living room of our   
mansion. 

Enormous, unbridled relief flowed over me. I would have sat up, but still I was conscious   
only of relief. A million thoughts went through my head. 

*Ahhhh...It was only a dream...I'm not in Terminia...the moon isn't going to crash into   
the ground...and...I'm not alone...Zelda is here...the world is not coming to an end...* 

I turned around. 

*...or is it?* 

*** 

"Get up!" A sharp pivot-kick to the ribs brought me fully conscious. I gazed upon a most   
terrifying spectacle. 

It was like I was in the bottom of a great valley, surrounded on all sides by mountain-like   
giants...kind of like the giants in Termina...but these were strangely familiar. 

East...a blonde holding a large menacing ray gun...West...a pink cat walking on its hind   
legs...South...a skinny girl with a ponytail in her hair...North was.......oh my god..... 

*Gulp...* "Umm...hi?" 

The flaming, piercing glares of the 'giants' never wavered for a second... 

"Ha, heh, hi, Katt, Misty...Samus...have...fun...?" 

Still no reaction. I sat up. The giants weren't so tall anymore, but they still were still   
menacing. I glanced back at the 'valley' of the couch, then back at the four giants. I stood   
up. Now they were my size, but they still didn't let up. I blinked twice. 

The north giant said, "You go and wake the others. I'll handle _him_." Zelda the giant   
grabbed me and rapidly led me towards her bedroom. On the way I saw Aaron with a   
bandage around his head and Katt smacking Falco upside the head. 

Zelda slammed the door behind her. She glared angrily at me. I knew there was only one   
thing to do: I _have_ to _stall_ for _time._ 

"Umm, listen, Zelda, if this is about what I think it is, then I'm really..." 

"I don't want to hear it." Her coldness surprised me. I had expected a more lecture-type   
angry. But not this time...I had really done it. There was no stalling now. I have to say   
something...got to try to reason...lull her into a sense of security...or should I just make a   
bolt for the window...naah. 

"Listen, I'm really, really sorry. It's not 100% my fault, ok?" Zelda listened coldly,   
forebodingly, and silently. "I didn't want it to get out of control, and I tried to stop,   
but...but..." I found I couldn't overcome that grim face and the unspoken thought that   
radiated almost visibly from her, like an aurora. My temper rose. 

"We were having a good time!" 

"You were vomiting on your own shoes," Zelda remarked dryly. 

I glanced down at my boots. "Well, that may be true, but..." I was out of ideas. I couldn't   
see a solution...I can't say anything. I just needed more time, but that face, that aura of   
rage prevented me. She was beyond reason. 

"LOOK, IF YOU'RE SO MAD, I'LL JUST LEAVE!" 

Tears of anger and helpless frustration welled in Zelda's eyes. "Then get going," she   
pronounced, baring her teeth as she bit off the words. "I don't think I want to talk to you   
right now." 

"Fine." I stomped theatrically out of the room, but my real feelings were not so phony... 

*Oh God, what have I done this time? This is worse than I thought, I need to do   
something...where can I get some breakfast?* 

*** 

Later: 

I lay down on the bed. I ran a hand through my hair and scratched the back of my head. I   
really felt helpless. I don't know what I should do. I couldn't talk to her, that would be no   
good. I can't try to surprise her, that's asking for trouble... But it that case...what can I   
do? 

*** 

Zelda paced unsteadily back and forth, then settled on the bed. She ran over her reaction,   
and winced. 

*Oh, no. I shouldn't have acted like that. He doesn't deserve to go through this...* 

She lay down, a tear in her eye. *I don't know what to do...* She removed the pendant   
Link had given her, and looked at it in the fading light of the dusk. No, it was too   
much...can't bear it...I'll go to sleep... 

*** 

I had settled down some, and was ready for bed. I had made up my mind. Tomorrow I   
would try to talk to her, she might be more sympathetic. I put out the candle beside the   
bed. 

I found the darkness unsettling. The lack of things to see caused random memories to   
surface and struggle for dominance in my brain. Faces floated past my sight. The sneering   
face of Gannondorf, smug in the knowledge of his power. The masquerade   
of Majora's Mask, floating silently in the air. I shuddered to remember its ominous   
voice coming from nowhere... 

"This puppet's role has just ended..." 

God, I felt like a puppet. I felt used, used by her...I felt anger...but it was suddenly   
broken... 

Then a new face floated by. The grim, yet soft, hurt, weak and devastated face of Zelda,   
eyes brimming with tears of helpless frustration. I turned over and shook off the feeling   
of sickness that washed over me. I drifted slowly off to a restless sleep. 

*** 

I awoke with a start. The light was shining through and I was suddenly overcome by a   
feeling of relief. I felt happy, like everything was going to work out all right after all... 

Wrong. 

Things got off on the wrong foot (literally) when I accidentally crushed Zelda's toes on   
the way down stairs. 

"Ow! What was that for??" 

"What? Oh, gee, I'm sorry." 

"Hm." Zelda turned her shoulders and walked off. 

"No, wait! Come back! I have to talk to you!" She continued walking, but stopped at my   
bedroom door. "Ok, then, say what you want." 

"Wait, we need to be somewhere more...private." 

"Ok then, go in this room here." She opened the door and walked inside as I ran after.   
The door swung shut. Zelda sat down on the bed and I sat down beside her. 

"Now please, just listen to what I have to say and think about it, all right?" 

"Ok, whatever." 

"Now listen. I have gotten into bad situations before, and I can guarantee you that I'll get   
into more. But I know right now that this situation is the worst ever." 

Zelda blinked in surprise. "Worse than..." 

"Worse than anything I have ever done. I want you to know that."   
"Yes..." 

"And I also want you to know that I care about you, ok? Why do you think I have   
saved..." 

"I know..." said Zelda, blinking back tears. "I know..." 

"I can't correct the past. But I will make it up to you somehow...all right?" 

"Well, I guess I..." A change came over Zelda. She stiffened. "You know, if you care so   
much, maybe you could have thought for a second before going off..." 

"What...you..." I was speechless. Everything was going wrong! No... 

"Listen, mister, maybe if you were a little more responsible I'd let you go. But this isn't   
an isolated incident, you know..." 

"Zelda, listen..." 

"I've listened enough! You never consider anything! You just do what you feel like   
doing! And it's not just making a fool of yourself...someday you're going to get killed   
on a stupid risk!" 

"Please, stop..." 

"GOD DAMN IT WHY WON'T YOU THINK?!? YOU'RE SO DAMNED   
IRRATIONAL ALL THE TIME!" 

"HEY!" I yelled, losing it. "Maybe if I didn't act decisively you'd be dead! Ever think   
when I brave certain death just to save your sorry ass that I'm acting just a _little_   
impulsive?" 

Zelda recoiled, tears streaming down her face. "That's it! You're just impervious to   
reason! You've really hurt me this time, you know! And I won't forget it! I don't want to   
see you!" She leapt up, whirled open the door and slammed it shut. 

*** 

The low, monotonous hum of the engine had lulled Pico into a false sense of security. As   
he and his Wild Goose cruised along at the speed of sound, he was confident in his first   
place position. From out of nowhere, there was a jagged scraping sound. Flailing his four   
arms wildly, Pico wrestled for control as his ship careened uncontrollably off of the   
railings. With a mighty heave, the metal snapped under the force of the flying steel and   
the car and its mad driver plummeted into oblivion. 

As the car roared across the finish line a garbled alien voice burbled the winners to the   
roar of the extraterrestrial crowd. For the first time in as long as many could remember,   
the legendary Blue Falcon had not been the first to blaze across with white-hot flame in a   
blurred streak. 

*** 

At the home of Ash and Misty Ketchem, it was a beautiful day. The sun shone down   
brightly as eager Sunflora absorbed the rays. In the cool, shady forest behind the house,   
Spearows preened themselves and occasionally darted at passing Caterpie. A quiet brook   
fed into an oriental goldfish pond that housed Misty's Pokemon. Her Goldeen and Seadra   
swam about, her Horsea floated on the surface, and in a small rock crevasse there dwelt a   
Starmie. A willow hung over the pond, and in its shade there hung from the branch a   
swinging loveseat. As a majestic Pegeot flew overhead, there emerged the sharp buzzing   
of a hidden Syther. From inside the house the couples' Growlithe scratched itself and   
barked at some passing Sintreets climbing up a tree. A small Velomoth alighted on the   
hood of Ash's new red convertible, then flew off again. Parked around back was Misty's   
_new bike._ 

In short, it was a typical day at the Ketchem household. Except... 

*** 

"You totally saved my ass, you know," said Ash thankfully. 

"Don't mention it," I replied. "That's what I do." 

"Man, I feel a lot stronger. That strength training really works!" 

"You got that right." I thumped Ash on the back. "You were pretty good back there.   
Remind me why you came with us? You aren't fighting...Ash? Ash? Hm...Must've   
wandered off." 

"Achhhhh...my...back..." gasped Ash on the ground. "I'm...paralyzed... 

"You guys wan any food before the match?" asked Falco. (Editor's note: You _knew_   
we'd get to the food running gag soon, right?-DeadeyeDave) 

"Naah, I wanna stay fresh." 

"Not that you'll need it. Three on one? Ha! He won't stand a chance!" 

"Help...meeeeeeeeeeeee..." 

"Now, don't underestimate him. His strength is much greater now that he's so big," Kirby   
warned.   
"Yeah, but the three of us can overtake him." said Fox coolly. "And also, we're so fast.   
Link's been working out in the speed training room, and from personal experience I have   
to say, he's almost as agile and fast as me!" 

"And I'm so small, he'll miss. And I can shield myself with a rock." 

"All right! Let's kick some hairy butt!" We walked away towards the stadium, cracking   
jokes and wondering where Ash was. 

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrruuuuuuugh...wait...up..." 

I still had some doubts, though... 

*** 

Zelda sat in her room sulking. A small, but very complicated device resembling a   
portable T.V. was clasped in her hands. 

*I won't turn it on, I won't turn it on...don't want to watch the match..._he's_ in it...who   
cares...aww, who am I kidding...ok, just a little bit of the match...* 

*** 

As we approached the stadium I lagged behind with Ash, who, for some reason, was all   
dirty and looked annoyed. He calmed down, though, when I asked, "So, how'd Misty   
take it? You in hot water too?" 

"Yeah," said Ash, head hung. "Believe me, you do NOT want to be around when _she_   
gets mad. I barely managed to escape with my life!" 

"How?" 

"Open window. Lucky break." 

"Ahh..." 

"You going to be all right?" 

"Well, yeah. We're newlyweds, she'll get over it." 

"Wish I could say the same..." 

"Huh? What's that?" 

"Nothing, nothing..." 

*** 

The blue fog lifted. The star disappeared and the Arwing flew off. The match was about.   
to start. I glanced over into the stands where the others sat. A tiny pang of conscience hit   
me as my eyes crossed the stands. Zelda was missing. 

*Ahh, who needs her, huh? I can win anyway!...right?...* 

But a bell rang and my attention shifted. 

*** 

Zelda had been watching the fight on the tiny screen in her hands, alone in her bedroom.   
She was unimpressed. 

*Look at him. Running around like he's God Almighty. I hope he gets what's coming to   
him...He deserves it...right?* 

*** 

The fight had been going smoothly. Fox was right: as long as we didn't give him an   
opportunity, he was helpless. I forgot that... 

"Stay back, guys!" I yelled. "I'm finishing this now!" I drew my sword back and it began   
to glow with magic. 

DK slowly lumbered toward me, but I knew I could let loose...closer...closer...NOW! I   
thrust the sword forward. But it met with solid obstruction. The massive hand of Donkey   
Kong had stopped the thrust. 

Then was when I began to learn the most important lesson of my life: An inspiration can   
make or break you. 

And that inspiration was the woman who was failing to sit in the stands above. 

*** 

The giant hairy paws descended for my throat. My eyes went wide with terror as they   
grasped me and lifted me into the air. My sword fell to the ground. Kirby and Fox,   
paralyzed with fear, stared open-mouthed at the carnage. 

The crushing grip now descended to my torso. Struggling weakly, the iron grip tightened   
and crushed my body. 

There was a distinct cracking sound as my rib cage was shattered. As my chest cavity   
collapsed, there was a sharp pain as my floating rib began to puncture my internal organs.   
Donkey Kong, despite himself, smiled. 

The last conscious action I made was to look up at the grandstands. Through the dull,   
throbbing reddish haze of blinding pain I saw the total absence in the seat that my only   
hope was supposed to be sitting in. 

There was a snap in my soul, a snap in my neck, and everything went black. 

*** 

Zelda averted her eyes and switched off the tiny T.V. set, tears flowing down her face.   
Weeping bitterly, she choked out loud, "Oh no...how could this happen..." She threw   
herself onto the bed. "I knew he would get hurt on some stupid gamble...but I never   
thought...oh please be alive...Link..." 

End Part 8   
  
  



	9. Part Nine: Resolution

Part 9 Super Smash Brothers:   
Winner and Still Champion   
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash 

A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that   
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them   
(You know who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after   
the names, except that 1. We don't know how and   
2.We are lazy. Okay, _that's_ cleared up. 

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it.   
  
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone. 

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,   
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up   
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :) 

A final note: You may find our humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.   
Feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them. 

*** 

Part Nine: Admittance 

*** 

There was a humming of voices. A light penetrated the blackness that engulfed my body.   
A spiral of time whirled in and out of existence with a burst of color. A thin crescent of   
light...no, two...they appeared on the horizon. They got wider...I saw shapes...is this   
death?...or... 

My eyes fluttered open. It all came back to me...the capture...the fight...Zelda...Zelda... 

I was on the ground surrounded by a crowd of people, familiar people. I sat up. A shake   
brought me fully to my senses. 

"Link...Link...are you hurt?" 

"Only...my bones...and organs..." I feebly answered. 

"You're all right. You were healed." 

"What...about...the fight?" I asked to the person I now recognized as Fox McCloud. 

"They had to stop it. Are you sure you're o.k.?" 

"Stop...the...fight?" I gasped. "Did...we...lose?" 

"No, you didn't," said a tall man called Ash. 

"Are...are we still in the tournament?" I asked, regaining rational thought fully. I   
struggled to my feet. 

"Yes, calm down," Kirby explained. "We won after you were out." 

"Thanks, guys," I said. " If I was out of the tournament, I couldn't fight the Master. Not to   
brag, but...you may have saved us all." 

"We know. You're our only hope, you know." 

"Thank you... you're heroes." 

"That's what we do," said Ash. 

"So...they stopped the fight?" 

"Yeah. My guess would be that the Master can't raise the dead, so if your life is in   
danger, he'll come, break it up, heal you a.s.a.p., and you'll be out, just as if you had   
fallen off the edge." 

"Good. I'm feeling better now." I paused. "I'm sorry...I took a stupid risk." 

"It's o.k.," chided Fox. "We all make mistakes." 

"I know..." 

Suddenly something hit me. The fragile shell of anger I clung to shattered. Zelda's words   
replayed in my mind as clearly as if she was next to me... 

*"I've listened enough! You never consider anything! You just do what you feel like   
doing! And it's not just making a fool of yourself...someday you're going to get killed   
on a stupid risk!"* 

She's right...I do need to be less impulsive...it could have saved me then...it could have   
saved me many times...and it would make her happy...it was wrong to be so rude...I have   
to apologize...I was wrong...I was wrong... 

The crowd pushed me along and off towards the houses.   
*** 

Zelda sat alone, lying on the bed, replaying what she'd done. She heard a voice, as if it   
was happening again... 

*"Maybe if I didn't act decisively you'd be dead! Ever think when I brave certain death   
just to save your sorry ass that I'm acting just a _little_ impulsive?"* 

She opened her eyes with a start. A light flashed on her and blinked back tears. 

*How do I repay him for all he's done...his loyalty...his heroism...his bravery...How do I   
thank him for all he's done for me? I break his heart and walk away. He really loves me...I   
don't know why I did that...but I did...I hope it's not too late...* 

*** 

I went to see Ash the next day. I still hadn't seen Zelda since she left two days ago...I was   
so worried. I don't know why, but I felt that I needed to talk to him. Strange. Oh well, it   
would be nice to see him... 

With a knock I approached the door and was greeted by Misty. 

"Hi, come on in Ze...no, wait, it's you. Oh well then, come on in..." 

She briskly led me towards Ash's room. Gaining her wandering attention I asked: 

"How are you and Ash?" 

"Better," she replied. "He made it up to me...he's so sweet..._usually._" 

"How?" I instantly shut my mouth. D'oh! 

Misty only snickered and opened the door. She walked off giggling at me. I closed the   
door and greeted Ash. 

"Greetings," I said. Idiotic, yes... 

"What brings you here?" he asked conversationally. 

"I honestly don't have a clue." 

Ash looked puzzled. "Like one of those intuition things, eh?" 

"I...suppose..." 

"So why don't you talk to me for a while. I can figure it out."   
"So...uh...pretty rough match, huh..." I lamely offered. 

"It's her, ain't it?" he said knowingly. 

"That was quick." 

*** 

"Okay, If I know her, she's thinking the same thing, you know?" 

"Yes, I suppose..." I had just finished explaining my problems. 

"She feels just like you do, right? Fragile, insecure...God knows I know how it feels...she   
may look like she's completely grim and will never listen to you...but she's thinking the   
same thing about you!" 

"Well, yeah, uhh..." 

"Listen, we're getting somewhere. Why do you think you lost that match?" 

"Umm, because...I made a bad decision?" 

"That's just what it looks like. True, that was stupid, but you knew damn well that you   
lost hope 'cause she wasn't there!" 

"...never lose hope...until all hope is lost..." I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists to   
keep from bursting into tears. So many memories flooded my brain...the garden where we   
first met...the Ocarina of Time...her sweet song...Zelda's Lullaby...then when I fought   
Bowser...how she was there for me... 

I knew then that our differences were skin deep, and there is no way in hell that anything   
or anyone can come between us. 

"Do you love her?" asked Ash quietly. 

"Yes..." I responded. "I've got to do something..." 

"Hey...I know something...this worked for Misty and I..." 

"I'll do anything..." 

*** 

"THAT???" I yelled. "THAT??? That's PATHETIC!" 

"Hey, slow down," Ash said. "Get a grip! Think about it!" 

"O.K., I'm thinking about it, and...it's the silliest thing I've ever heard!" 

"Well, maybe on such a small scale...you guys might need something more...how about   
this?" 

*** 

"THAT'S WORSE THAN BEFORE!" I screamed. "HOW am I going to do THAT?" 

"Weeeeell, I don't know...there's always a 'deus ex machina' in love stories, right?" 

"I guess it's all we got...Thanks for the advice." 

"Any time." 

*** 

As I walked towards our house, I felt vaguely aware of a presence behind me. I quickened   
my pace slightly. Still I felt it behind me, closer, closer... 

There was a tingling at the base of my spine. 

There was a cold, clammy touch on the back of my neck. 

*** 

I jumped a good four vertical feet into the air. I whirled around to see... 

"Evan?" 

"Link?" 

"You..." 

"I..." 

"It's..." 

"That..." 

"I mean..." 

"You're..." 

"Hello," I finally managed. 

*** 

"What in the world are YOU doing here?!" I exclaimed in exasperation. 

"We were...well..." Evan, band leader of the Indigo-Go's, Zora rock band, was struggling   
to find a word. 

"...forcefully..." continued Japas, guitarist. 

"...convinced..." extended Tijo, drummer. 

"...to perform here." finished Lulu, lead singer. 

"Have you seen Mikau lately?" Evan asked. "He wasn't there when we were captured, but   
I know that screwball Master caught him, too." 

The sheer amazement of the astronomically low possibility of this happening rendered me   
speechless for several moments of awkward silence. Then, by a slip of the tongue, I   
quipped, "Let me guess. You also renamed the band 'Evan and the Deus Ex Machina,'   
right?" 

"No..." puzzled Evan. "Why do you..." 

"Nothing, nothing...I think I know where Mikau is..." 

*** 

(Extremely important Editor's Note: In 'Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, a 12-year-old   
[we assume] Link discovers Mikau washed up on shore. He dies, leaving behind the Zora   
Mask, allowing Link to turn into Mikau at will. All of the band members are oblivious   
and assume that Link is Mikau, despite a familiar tunic and strangely colored fin on his   
head resembling a green hat. How Link manages to keep up this little charade over the   
course of the seven years spanned in Ocarina through the six more years up to the time of   
this fic is left up to the reader's imagination.-DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash) 

*** 

"It's been awhile," Lulu said. "What, 3, 4...13 years?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well you're certainty a lot...umm..." *Bigger? Stronger? Handsomer?* "...older..." 

"Reeeeeeeeeealy, you think so, huh..." I remarked, oozing sarcasm. 

"No no no, wait, I mean...more..." She trailed off. "Never mind." 

*Ahh...idiot...yes...* I thought quietly to myself. 

"Anyway, it might be a little late, but thanks again for rescuing my eggs. And helping me   
getting my voice back..." she continued. 

"No problem. It's what I do." (Editor's Note: Hmm...becoming a theme...) 

"Funny, I haven't been able to see you in the flesh for thirteen straight years, but   
everyone keeps telling rumors about you coming to Termina...there was also something   
about a mask..." 

"No way, that's not true..." I said quickly, despite the fact that I had been going to   
Termina on a regular basis in order to play the role of Mikau about once a month for   
concerts. Fortunately, there have been only minor problems with evil overlords trying to   
take over the world between the time when I left Termina and now (No! We're _not_   
telling you what kinds of problems! That's future fic material!-Deadeye). 

"...but I'm pretty sure that I've been closer than you think..." 

She laughed. "What is that supposed to mean? I haven't seen you anywhere since the   
Carnival of Time!" She stood up. 

"You're so weird!" She walked off toward their dressing room, probably looking for   
Mikau. 

*Sigh. Why is it that I can get along with women of other species...Speaking of which, I   
wonder what happened to Princess Ruto...* 

*** 

Zelda had heard about the concert and had decided to go. Honestly she really wanted to   
end this pointless charade. She knew full well that no one was angry anymore, that she   
wasn't, he wasn't. No one was. That was why the concert was a blessing in disguise. It   
was a chance for everyone to make up. But this perfect plan all depended on one factor: 

Link feeling the same way. 

*** 

'Mikau' was tuning his guitar. Japas entered. 

"Sounds all right to me. Let me check the sound. Play something."   
I strummed an E sharp. 

"Whoa, way too quiet. Let me try this." 

He picked up the guitar and started fiddling with the amplifier, the strings, the teeth, and   
the vertebrae. (Editor's Note: It's a fish skeleton, remember?-Mr. Crash) 

"Now try." 

"Arrgh!" I had barely touched a string when a blast of sound waves penetrated my skull   
at a frequency usually reserved for calling dogs. Who are all, in Hyrule, inexplicably   
Scotties. What does that word mean? Never mind. 

"I'm flashing back to the beginning of the first match..." I lamented. 

"You...what? We weren't here for the first match..." 

"Did I say match?" 

"Forget it...So, anyway," he asked inquisitively, "Where were you when the rest of us   
were captured?" 

"Oh, me? I was walking through the Lost Woods, trying to find the portal to Termina,   
and..." I stopped. 

"What...? Are you o.k.? I think the fame and fortune have been getting to you lately..." 

"Nooooo, what was I saying?" 

"You were saying, 'Oh, me? I was walking through the Lost Woods, trying to find the   
portal to Termina, and...' I said, 'What...? Are you o.k.? I think the..." 

"Skip it...what I was _really_ doing was I was, uh, at Pinnacle Rock with a new   
girlfriend." 

"Reeeeeeeealy, who?" 

"Z...Adlez." Before he asked, I said "She's not from around here." (Aren't I _so_   
original?) 

"So, okay then...was she nice?" 

"Yeah, she was really something... but I must've said something wrong so she left." 

"Tough break. See you tonight." He paused. "And that song you wrote? Killer! I'm gonna   
see if I can get the guys to sing it tonight."   
"Excellent..." 

*** 

"Thirty seconds..." said a voice. 

"Well," I said. "Guys, time to 'fess up. Remember thirteen years ago?" 

"Twenty-five..." 

"Yes...why?" 

"Well, I was walking along the shoreline and..." 

"Twenty seconds..." 

"I was walking, and I saw something washed up onshore. I looked closer..." 

"Ten seconds and counting..." 

"Screw that. What I'm trying to say is..." 

"Nine..." boomed the voice, drowning me out. 

"Crap. I'm saying..." 

"Eight..." 

"Huh?" Japas cupped his hand to his ear. 

"Mikau is..." 

"Five..." 

"Goddammit! Mikau is d..." 

"Four..." 

"Mikau is..." 

"THREE..." 

"...is de..." 

"TWO..." 

"Aww, the hell with it." 

"ONE!" 

*** 

The curtain flew open. The crowds cheered in approval. I scanned the audience. I saw   
Ash, Misty, the Star Foxes, Samus and Aaron, and everyone else...except for... 

"DAMN IT!" 

"Huh?" 

"Nothing..." 

She'd show up. She had to... 

*** 

"All right, time to rock!" I told the audience. The beat began, and Lulu stepped up. She   
opened her mouth to sing and I wound up for my guitar solo. 

As we began to play our 'old standby,' "Ballad of the Wind Fish," I caught out of the   
corner of my eye the familiar white gown. I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled inwardly.   
Things were going exactly as planned...we would be back together... 

*** 

Zelda was running around in the stands trying to find Link. She had resolved to find him,   
but without luck. Dejectedly she sat down in her seat. Now she could all but know her   
golden opportunity was ruined. She glumly tried to maintain interest as the songs   
continued to play. But she had a strange inkling that Link was closer than she thought... 

*** 

The concert was reaching its finale. I took center-stage, and spoke out into the crowd. I   
noticed Zelda sitting alone in her seat, the poster child for heartbroken loneliness. 

That was all about to change. 

"Hi, everyone. Like the show so far?" I asked. I was answered by cheers and a weak   
smile from Zelda. 

"We will now sing a song that I have been asked by someone who...who wishes to remain   
anonymous. It is for a very special person, I am told." I winked inconspicuously at the   
other band members.   
"We've written this song just hours earlier today for our concert. Never before heard!"   
The crowd went wild, although I can guarantee that no one had heard _any_ of our songs   
before. 

"This song goes out to a couple who needs to get back together." 

It seemed to Zelda that Mikau glanced over her for a second after he said that last   
sentence. 

"This song is called "Hey Girl" (Editor's Note: And yes, this _is_ a modified version of   
"Hey Jude", which was written The Beatles. See the bottom of Part Nine for the whole   
copyright thing.) With that, I pulled out my guitar, took his position on stage, and began   
to sing: 

"Hey girl,   
Don't make it bad.   
Take a sad soooong,   
And make it better. 

Remember,   
To let him into your heart,   
Then you can sta-art,   
To make it better. 

Hey girl," 

Zelda froze. *That's incredible...it's like they're singing directly to me...no, just the   
guitarist...like he really meant those words...* 

"Don't be afraid.   
You were made tooo,   
Go out an' get him. 

Remember,   
To let him under your skin,   
Then you begiiin,   
To make it better. (Music goes at a faster pace.) 

And any time,   
You're feelin' pain,   
Hey girl,   
Refrain, 

Don't carry   
The world,   
Upon,   
Your shoulders. 

For well you know,   
That itza fool,   
Who plays,   
It cool, 

By making his world,   
A lit-tle,   
Colder. (Music resumes former pace) 

Hey girl,   
Don't let me down.   
You know you love him,   
Go out and fix it. 

Remember,   
To let him into your heart,   
Then you can staaaart,   
To make it better. (Music speeds up again) 

And any time,   
You feel you can't win,   
Hey girl,   
Begin, 

Make your world,   
A little,   
bit,   
Warmer." 

I surveyed the crowd. Ash and Misty kissed, Samus and Aaron hugged each other, and   
Katt put her head on Falco's shoulder. He shuddered violently, and edged away in the   
opposite direction. I was concerned with only one person, however. I blocked out the   
crowds, the singers, and everything else. It was just me, singing that song for one person. 

"For well you know,   
That you're a fool,   
If you,   
Ain't cool, 

And go tell him,   
That,   
you,   
Love him. 

Zelda had been on the brink of tears for most of the song, but tears flowed   
freely down her face as she heard the last few lines. And still the song   
continued: 

"Hey you two,   
You've made it good,   
You were made to,   
Love one another. 

Remember,   
You love each other,   
From the   
Heart, 

And you have   
Made,   
It so much   
Better." 

And with that, the final note of the guitar sounded, and everyone there clapped madly,   
expressing their deep satisfaction with the song. Except for Zelda: she was in tears, crying   
softly into her hands. 

*** 

Zelda ran around madly, dodging other people and things, trying to force her way through   
the river of people going out of the doors. As she gasped for air, she was shoved along   
until the crowds dispersed outside. She desperately was searching for Link. She had   
found the strength, now, to say she was wrong, to make it up to him, to get it back to the   
way it was...because it was a living hell not being able to do anything, not to see him... 

"Hey," said a voice. "You looking for someone?" 

"Yes, I am..." 

"Come here." A wet hand grabbed her by the arm and pulled her gently into a room   
backstage. 

"Ohh, you're..." 

"Mikau, yes." I said. 

"I...I loved your song...It's like you sang it just for me..." 

"You know something...I did." 

"Huh...?" 

I grabbed my face. Focusing my energy, I pulled at the magical bonds. There was a flash   
of light. 

As the light died down, Zelda saw the silhouette of the man she'd been searching for. I   
moved forward. 

It was unnecessary. She ran into my arms and clasped me tight. 

"Ohh... Link... you did that... for me?" 

"Of course...I'd have done anything, you know..." 

"Yes...I do..." she sobbed into my tunic. "I never want to be apart from you again..." 

I clasped the necklace I had given her. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I moved   
closer. I looked into her eyes, those innocent blue eyes I had come to love...soft and   
gentle... 

"I love you." I said calmly. 

"I love you too," she answered. "Is it me, or do you find a way to make everything right?" 

"That's what I do," I said softly, and kissed her. 

*** 

The stars began to shine through the clear air. The cloudless skies revealed a crescent   
moon hanging in the air, shining down on the town below. 

The town was not huge, not tiny, a normal town. It was populated by many of the   
peaceful folk who inhabited the remote star. Moving through the town square one would   
find a great many houses and alleys, all set up in rows. The small, one-story houses were   
low and had many curricular windows and a small, wooden door. As you would continue   
to walk about in the village, a thought would strike you: you could reach the roof of the   
house by standing on your toes reaching with your hands. This could be attributed, in no   
small part, to the fact that the houses were designed for beings two feet tall. Like the most   
basic of life-forms, they naturally slept when tired and ate when hungry. It would seem,   
thus, that this species would be easy to dominate due to their peaceful nature and calm,   
welcoming attitude towards others. However, these formidable creatures were not to be   
taken lightly, as many have found for themselves. 

Tonight was a normal night for these people, getting to bed early, but not without a snack   
first, then a blissful sleep and a day of productivity the following day. This simple,   
peaceful lifestyle was rarely interrupted by violence. However, to ward against such   
attacks, the town had a resident hero. That hero was Kirby, Dream Lander.   
*** 

A voice crackled in the radio as General Pepper ran to answer yet another distress signal. 

"Yes?" he asked gruffly. 

"It's Sector 7, sir. We're being hit hard by space pirates. They've captured most of the   
crew of the starship 'Egret' and are demanding ransom. An unsuccessful attempt to   
surprise-attack the kidnappers has been made. Requesting backup." The radio crackled   
out. 

"I'll get some one on it as soon as possible," responded the General. The radio was   
switched off. 

"Where the hell's the Star Fox team?" 

*** 

The stream of hot water matted the hair on my head. I rubbed it for a while, then twisted   
the knobs below and the stream abruptly stopped. I peered through the steaming gloom   
and groped for a towel. Wrapping it around myself, I headed for my room, donning a   
green bathrobe and walking downstairs. 

I was feeling _pretty_ good about myself. 

*** 

Once again, sitting at the table, a newspaper inexplicably materialized before me.   
Reading the front page headline, I felt mixed feelings of hilarity and fear. 

*LINK WILL SOON LOSE GIRLFRIEND, LIFE* 

Zelda, who was brewing a pot of tea, came over to see what the nutcase had to say this   
time. She laughed out loud and bit her lip, respectively. 

*Master extremely pissed, will gruesomely murder Link* 

*Same unknown plane- An outraged Master gave a statement today, proclaiming, "I'm   
about to drop the hammer and dispense some random acts of vengeance. This damned   
little game has gone on ***king long enough! All I have to say to you is, '***k you Link,   
I hate your ***kin' guts, and you're about to die a horrible, agonizing, fiery, gruesome,   
death! By the time I'm through with you, you'll be the most spineless person I know!   
You'll also be headless, armless, and heartless, and my hands with be slathered with   
warm blood! PREPARE TO DIE! 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH   
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' ALSO, the thought of you two together sickens me   
in more ways than one. Thank you but if you'll excuse me, I need to go projectile-vomit   
over here for a while. This interview is over... BLARRRRRGH!"* 

I yawned in a 'been there, done that' fashion. 

"Hmm, this is one of the better death threats I've received in my lifetime, don't you think,   
Zelda? Especially the 'hands slathered in warm blood' bit...Zelda?" 

Zelda, unable to decide what emotion to feel, first laughed at the last part, then looked   
sick, then finally deciding on 'utmost horror,' fainted and fell backwards. I jumped out of   
my chair and grabbed her before she hit the ground. 

I carried her up to her bedroom, laid her down in her bed, kissed her on the cheek and   
went back downstairs to finish my coffee and cereal. 

The first thing I learned how to do was to be calm in a crisis. 

*** 

A large title caught my attention as I was finishing. It said, 

*Link, Fox, Kirby to fight Giant D.K., Metal Mario, Bowser* 

I was half happy, half scared. I wondered when the fight was, and read some more. 

*Same same unknown plane- The next fight will be a three-on-three grudge match   
between the sickeningly heroic Kirby, Link, and Fox and the three hugest, baddist, most   
kickass trio of brawlers ever to crush skulls like ripe melons, Giant Donkey Kong, Metal   
Mario, and Bowser. This match, to quote the Master, 'Gurrrrk....ohh geez, I need some   
flat soda or something...What? Oh, that...well, it promises to destroy those three   
window-dressers forever and they'll finally be out of my life...ohh man...I need to lie   
down for a while..'* 

So, a three-on-three match, eh? Shouldn't be too hard...I'll go see how Zelda's   
feeling...she won't like this... 

*** 

Zelda eventually stumbled downstairs. 

"Wha...what...happened?" 

"You're all right. Don't worry about the Master. I won't let him hurt me or you." 

"I...I know...but..." 

"But?" I could see the tears welling in her eyes. 

"I don't know what I would do without you...I...I couldn't..." 

"Don't worry..." I said reassuringly. 

"Oh...please be careful..." She was crying now, sobbing into my tunic. 

"I will...for you..." She looked up at me. 

"O...ok, but...please...come back all right, won't you?" 

"Well, we'll have to see about that, I might..." 

"Link!" she said teasingly. "Don't do this to a woman!" 

"O.K., but remember your rule." 

"Huh...what?" 

"Never lose hope..." I said, waiting for her to finish the catch phrase. 

"'Till all hope is lost!" we chorused together. 

"Well, it won't be the most dangerous fight ever, but it won't be no cakewalk, neither," I   
remarked. "I had better go and train some with the other fighters. They might want to   
prepare, too." 

"Okay, but do you want something to _eat_ before you go?" 

"No, I'm fine." I said. "I'll have a snack later." 

"Right then. I'll make some sandwiches for when you get back." 

I headed outside. At the door, Zelda stopped me. 

"Here, I've got something for you." 

She grabbed me by the collar and kissed me. 

She closed the door with a grin. 

I just stood there for a while. 

*** 

"Hey, uh, Fox, Kirby, hear the news?" 

"Yeah." Fox seemed slightly disturbed. 

"Uh-huh." Kirby was also fearful. 

"Hey, what's up with you guys? We can win this!" 

They just looked at me. Slowly, slowly a mischevious little smirk crept into their faces. 

"So, umm...I heard about you and Zelda..." 

"Yes... she's very nice..." I looked speculative. "I'm very lucky to..." 

"Is she a goer?" 

"What?" 

"Does she...go? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, say no more!" Kirby and Fox   
grinned like maniacs. 

"Well...I don't quite follow you..." 

"Follow me, follow me, oh yes! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!" 

I stared blankly. 

"Uhh, scratch that." 

"Look, are you trying to tell me something?" 

"Tell me, tell me! Very good, very good! You're wicked, eh? Wicked!" 

"No, you're thinking of Gannondorf..." 

"Say no MORE!" 

"Wha..." 

"Is she...a sport?" 

"Well, uhh... 

"Does she like sports?"   
"Well, she does like archery. I let her ride Epona sometimes and..." 

"RIDE EPONA! Very good, I'll bet you do, I'll bet you do!" 

"Yes, well..." 

"She likes games, doesn't she, eh? Wink wink! 'Cause she's been around, eh!" 

"Yes, she does travel...she sometimes goes to Lake Hylia, or somewhere...she once went   
to Death Mountain to investigate, and I went as a bodyguard..." 

"DEATH MOUNTAIN, eh? To investigate, eh? You had to be that bodyguard, eh?   
Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, say no more!" 

"Well, yes..." 

"SAY...NO...MORE! Does she like photography?" They asked. 

"Well..." 

"Photographs? Snap snap click click nudge nudge wink wink? Does she like...candy   
photography? _He asked him knowingly!_" 

"No, neither of us has a pictograph box..." 

"But still...WOAH!" 

"Look," I asked indignantly, "are you trying to insinuate something?" 

"Ohh, no, no no no no...yes." 

"Well, what?" 

"You're the Hero of Time, eh? You've been around, eh?" 

"Yeah, I guess... what are you talking about?" 

"Have you...done it?" 

"What?" I paused and stared dumbly at the pair. "OOOOH! I get what you mean by those   
constant sexual innuendoes!" 

They went wide eyed with anticipation. 

"My favorite color is green!" 

They stared at me for a while, then silently followed me towards the crystal towers. 

End Part 9.   
  
  



	10. Part Ten: the Big Bang

Part 10 Super Smash Brothers: Winner and Still Champion   
A fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash 

*** 

_"We've come a long, long way together,_   
_Through the hard times, and the good,_   
_I've got to celebrate you baby,_   
_I have to praise you like I should..."_

**-Fatboy Slim (Praise You)**

*** 

A note from DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that   
appear, such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them (You know   
who you are), and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol after the names,   
except that 1. We don't know how and 2. We are lazy. Okay, _that's_ cleared up. 

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we   
don't want to hear it. 

We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited   
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally   
don't develop strong feelings to anyone. 

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament, so from the   
depths of out perverted imaginations (mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up with the Master,   
a.k.a. Ken Itche :) 

A final note: You may find our humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, and nausea.   
Feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them. 

*** 

Part Ten: The Big Bang 

***   


The sun was setting over the kingdom, and Zelda and I had eaten outside. 

"It puts it in perspective, doesn't it," I remarked to her. "The Master created this world, in   
fact, this universe, through the force of his mind." 

Zelda frowned. "Disappointing...and strange. He went through all this, for the people he   
hates. And he may destroy this world just as easily as he made it..." 

"No use denying it," I answered solemnly. "There's a good chance that I won't make it." 

"But," I continued, "I definitely have a better chance now than a year ago. Working out   
for a year has its benefits," I joked, bringing a soft smile from her tired face. "Spiritually   
and physically, I'm as ready as I'll ever be." 

Zelda looked reassured. "I'm glad," she said softly. I couldn't really say anything, so I   
silently watched the false sun set over the artificial world. 

"It's been almost a year," I said. "I can't imagine how the rest of Hyrule is taking it." 

"They must leave us for dead by now," she replied dryly. 

"Mmmm." 

Darkness began to creep over the sky, and I just sat on a hill with Zelda, in peace, as the   
sun finally sank over skyline of the fantastic crystal city. 

"I have a suggestion," I said, "Let's move to the back." There were no objections, so we   
walked to the backyard, where the stars came out and twin moons hung in the sky. Lying   
on the grass, I looked up at the stars. Zelda followed, and I put an arm gently around her   
and gazed upwards. 

"I can just imagine this in Hyrule," I sighed. 

"I don't think I've ever looked at the stars like this," she replied. "I'm always distracted by   
the lights of the town." 

"Then you ought to come with me sometime," I said, kissing her lightly on the cheek.   
"When we get home, I'll take you to a place where you can see all of Hyrule stretched   
before you." 

Zelda sighed. "When we get home..." 

*** 

I pulled on my pajama bottoms and walked to my bed. The candlelight flickered, and I   
extinguished the light. 

This is it. Tomorrow, I will have the very fabric of my soul warped in ways impossible to   
imagine. The realms of my will tested. My spirit taxed. 

I didn't fear death. I knew that this was fate...fate had brought me to that lonely patch of   
woods almost a year ago. Fate had let me come this far...and fate pushed me onward. Fate   
had brought us together, and fate could tear us apart. I was so lost in thought that through   
the darkness I didn't hear the door creek open. 

There was a thump. 

"Ow!" said a familiar voice. 

I sat up and lit the candle again. "Zel, do you think you could possibly be any more   
clumsy?" I grinned. 

"Oh shush," she laughed. "I thought you were asleep already, and I didn't want to wake   
you up!" 

"Well..." I looked at the chest of drawers she had stubbed her toe on. "I love you   
anyway." 

She took a seat at the foot of the bed, hugging her knees to her chest. 

"So why are you here? Came to give me a good-night kiss?" I joked. 

"No…" she didn't seem to be in a humorous mood anymore. "I'm…just…worried." 

"Like I'm not?" I answered. 

"Well…I don't know…you don't understand, I think…" 

"What don't I understand?" I answered, a little surprised. 

"You…you've never lost anyone close to you. You were orphaned when you were a baby,   
so you never knew parents…you don't have any siblings, and you're pretty much   
a…well…hero without peer." 

I was startled. "Zelda…I…I didn't know that you…well…have you ever…?" 

"Yes…" she looked drearily at me. "My mother died when I was five…she was   
everything to me. She died protecting me…just like you might. Since then there was this   
void in me…and I couldn't bear to have another one." 

(Editor's note: Yes, we are taking some liberties. No, we don't care. -DED)   
  
I was moved, amazed, sympathetic, and shaken all at once. I couldn't really say anything. 

She continued. "I think that dying is a far more merciful fate than seeing someone you   
care about die. I've endured it once but I couldn't endure it again." She squeezed her eyes   
shut to stop the tears. 

I took in all of what she said. And, it occurred to me that she was right. I beckoned her   
closer and she sat with me at the head of the bed. 

"I think so to," I said. "That's why I'm fighting. I couldn't endure losing you either." 

She almost smiled. 

"I love you," she said. 

"I love you too," I answered. 

I was going to say more, but I found her asleep. But that was OK, because I was asleep   
too. 

*** 

I awoke early, the sun had not even risen. Figuring I had a couple more hours, I squinted,   
and looked to my side where I saw her sleeping form. Beautiful strands of hair played   
upon her face as she her gentle warm breath caressed my arm. I pulled the sheets over her   
body and slept easily for the first time since that day in the woods. 

*** 

When I awoke again Zelda was gone, and light streamed through the curtains. Quietly I   
came into the kitchen to find her at work making food. I went and grabbed some food, sat   
down, and had an easy breakfast. Zelda stopped me at the doorway. 

"Link," she said, "good luck. I'll be there. I'll be there for you." I looked into her eyes. 

"It will be over soon..." 

"Don't die." 

"Never lose hope…" I said. 

"…'till all hope is lost!" she finished. She smiled. 

I turned, and silently walked down the long and winding road to the stadium. 

*** 

I walked down the grasses along the edge of the fighting arena. I had been in this cursed   
world for almost a year now. In a few days, it would mark the anniversary of the day we   
were all entered into this insane tournament. As I walked around the edge of the stadium,   
I heard the sound of footsteps behind me. I slowed, and then spun around and drew my   
sword. And there, in all his hateful glory, stood him. The Master. 

"Hello, Link," he said. I was surprised; his voice held no malice in it. It was simply a   
conversation between him and me. 

"You do know, right?" I made no reply. 

"You know you cannot win." I still was silent. 

"No matter how strong you have become, no matter how far you go, it's all going to end." 

I tried not to think about the truth in his words. Staring into my eyes I saw him skewering   
me. 

"You should have known that the day I captured you. This is all going to be over soon.   
You will have to fight me," he said, still without a trace of anger. "You cannot defeat me.   
You do understand that, right?" 

I was dead silent. I got the reaction I expected. His rage peaked, and he held a balled fist   
up at me. 

"Are you not afraid?" he demanded, angry. "Are you defying me, or are you simply to   
stupid to comprehend you impending death?" 

I looked him straight in the eye, matching his glare. "If fear is the only weapon you have   
left," I said, "then you will never control me." 

The Master seethed with rage. He held up a hand. "Death will be too good for you," he   
spat, and teleported away. 

*** 

I floated down, and landed on a strange arena. It was unlike anything I had seen before.   
Crystalline spikes of purple, transparent mineral protruded for the hard steel floor, and   
over my head hovered three platforms. I cast my mind back to the first tournament so   
many years ago, and it struck me that this was the polygon team arena. I tried to recall   
how I had won before, but I knew that these were new foes and new challenges. But I had   
no time to think. My teammates dropped out of the sky, and the fight was almost ready. 

The sight before my allies I and inspired more fear than any other emotion. On one end   
stood the malevolent, armor-covered behemoth Bowser, spikes and claws, sharp as   
razors. On the other side stood a short man, resembling Mario, but encased in glimmering   
steel. The light reflecting off his metallic skin shone in distorting patterns. And finally, in   
the center was the huge and powerful giant Donkey Kong, his mind warped by the evil   
that was the Master and his twisted exhibition. 

But there was no time to think. The Master's voice made an announcement, and   
then...everything was a violent whirlwind. 

*** 

Everything happened so fast...but afterward I could remember most of it. The things I saw   
on that day will never leave me, and although nothing bad came out of the experience, I   
was changed forever. Nothing could compare to what happened then, and no words could   
do justice to what I felt. But I can try. 

The Master made an announcement. "This fight will be unique," he said, his tone   
obviously pleased. "In this round, each fighter will have a stock of three." 

On the giant monitor, each of us received three symbols representing us. I would have   
laughed at my little caricature, but nothing could break my tenseness. 

The Master gave me a look that said, "I'm gonna enjoy watching you suffer." Then, I   
knew that he only wanted to see my agonizing demise threefold. I wasn't going to let that   
happen. 

*Go to hell,* he said in my mind. 

*You first.* 

*** 

A bell somewhere sounded, and the fight was on. Each of us took a separate foe, and   
began to battle. I lunged at Donkey Kong, but for a moment I remembered our previous   
encounter. I faltered, overcome with fevered thoughts. How could I beat him? What   
tactics, what moves? In that split-second, Donkey Kong saw me miss-step and attacked.   
His huge, hairy fist came crashing down towards my head. 

I didn't think. I only acted. A haze of green instantly solidified around me. The blow   
descended into a field of energy, and was blocked. I burst into sweat, stunned at how   
close I had come to being pounded. 

Donkey Kong was enraged, and pelted the shield with a flurry of punches. Finally, it gave   
way, and a blow caught me full-force in the jaw. 

For a moment I didn't know where I was. I couldn't see through the pain, but I was   
conscious. I managed to get my bearings, and looked around. Fox and Kirby were   
slugging it out with their opponents, but neither was in good shape. I saw that Fox   
already was limping and Kirby had one eye shut. Donkey Kong had left me for dead. He   
was shambling towards Fox. 

I touched my jaw, finding it terribly swollen and obviously broken. I shrugged off the   
pain and ran to the aid of my friends. Seeing me, Metal Mario, who was slowly pounding   
Fox, attacked me. I dodged to the side and his heavy fists flung him forward. But while I   
wasn't looking, DK grabbed me from behind. 

Taking me in an arm bar, I struggled but knew it was hopeless. After I stopped kicking,   
Metal Mario came over and stood in front of me. He drew waaaay back and... 

*POW!* He slung his iron fists full into my face. The pain was too great to put into   
words. And still he continued his barrage. Blows like sledgehammers pounded on my   
face and torso. I didn't count but he probably broke every one of my ribs. And to finish   
me off, DK picked me up, and carried me to the edge of the platform. He drew back, and   
threw. 

*** 

In the crowd, the spectators were terrified at the sight of their greatest champions being   
demolished in a fight. Ash clenched his fists and dug into the seat with his fingers. Misty   
was staring, wide-eyed, at the ring. Samus, on the other hand, seemed slightly amused.   
But Zelda was crying. She was watching her lover being crushed and killed. And she had   
to watch it happen two more times. 

*** 

Blackness. Everything was blackness. Then there was a voice: You have two stock   
remaining. Then I was back on the battlefield. I saw out of the corner of my eye   
something. I turned in time to see Fox being grabbed and tossed like a doll. He flew, and   
I saw a huge sharp crystal protruding. His back hit it, and the spike dug further into his   
flesh. In a second it burst forth from his chest, soaked with gore. He choked, blood   
spurting up from his mouth and chest, and died. 

Rage. Indescribable rage shot through every nerve in my body. Kirby didn't see, he was   
waylaying Bowser, but when he turned he went white, literally. My vision was swimming   
in red and my body started acting on its own. 

"No, wait...remember the first fight?" said my rationality department. 

"Oh, fuck off," said my adrenal glands. I whipped out the blade. When I saw DK and   
Bowser double-teaming Kirby, I just snapped. 

"Aw screw it, it's ass-whuppin' time," said the rationality department. 

I ran full force at DK, whose back was turned to me. With more adrenaline in my veins   
than ever before, I charged Donkey Kong. He turned just in time to see me try to skewer   
him. He jumped back, but I slashed him up the front. He went flying backwards, and   
landed on his back, in pain. 

He got up just in time to have my sword-hilt smash into his face. He went flying. He got   
up, but I grabbed my Hookshot, skewered him with it, and kicked him off it. He went   
flying. I turned, breathing rapidly, and glared at Bowser. He and Kirby were just standing   
there, wide-eyed. Kirby jumped next to me, and faced Bowser. I lifted my hand, and   
beckoned to him. "Come here," I said. He shifted into a fighting stance. 

*** 

The fight raged on. There were many spectacular shows, and more than one gruesome   
bloodbath. Eventually we all had only one stock remaining. 

I started fresh after being mauled by Bowser. I decided to fight Metal Mario while Kirby   
tangled with Bowser and Fox took on DK. 

I hacked like a machine at him, but my blows merely reverberated off his metal hide. I   
was about to give up hope when inspiration hit me. 

A plan formed in my mind while he fought back. I concentrated on dodging his blows   
while I thought as fast as I could. I finally was ready. 

I battled and retreated back towards the edge of the platform. But when Metal Mario   
swung, I grabbed his fist. Doing some judo move, I tripped him. Using his momentum I   
launched him over the edge and out of the match. 

Then my attention shifted. I saw Kirby fairing well enough against Bowser, but Fox   
looked poor. DK Saw him misstep, and grabbed him. With his giant paw he gripped his   
right arm and pulled. There was a sickening noise, a shower of blood, and then, sadistic   
glee in his eyes, DK dropped Fox's arm to the ground. 

Tossing him aside, DK lumbered over towards Kirby. I saw Fox in agony, blood gushing   
from his shoulder to the beat of his heart. Blood pooled all around him and soaked   
through his clothes. Coughing, he finally lay still. 

I started towards Kirby at a dead run, determined to save him from being killed. Filled   
with a new fervor, I took a flying leap at DK and plunged my sword into his back. 

At first, I felt resistance---bone. But I continued to gouge and scrape at his flesh while he   
writhed in agony. He flailed about trying to get me off his back, but I clung to him and   
redoubled my efforts. In a minute I had snapped his spine and he was paralyzed. He fell   
to the ground just as my sword burst out of his chest. 

Kirby, meanwhile, was watching with awe and fear. He didn't see the Koopa behind him   
until it was too late. 

Bowser grabbed him in his huge paws, inhaled as deep as he could, and spewed fire from   
his mouth. Kirby was engulfed in flames, and the nauseating smell of burning flesh came   
to my nostrils. By the time Bowser was through, there just wasn't anything left---just a   
pile of ashes. 

That was it...I charged. Hacking like a thresher machine out of control, I managed to   
drive Bowser over to the edge. 

He reeled on the edge, and I tipped him with the point of the sword. He plunged off the   
edge. 

The fight was over. 

I didn't have the strength to look cool. I just keeled oven onto the metal floor. 

*** 

Everything was hazy and fuzzy. But I saw it as if it was happening again... 

I saw myself in a huge field. Two figures stood over me, shrouded by the darkness. Rain   
poured down. Fires burned in the city behind us. One of the figures picked me up and ran.   
My young body was cradled in her arms. The other figure stayed behind. 

I got a fleeting glimpse of him holding a sword and rising up to defend himself against a   
shadowy figure, then being struck down. 

He was my father. She was my mother. The figure was Ganondorf. Everything went   
black. 

*** 

Then I saw something different. I was older, but in almost the same place. The   
drawbridge to the castle came crashing down and the beat of hooves thundered to my   
ears. Then I saw it...a horse. On it was a woman riding like mad. Behind her, her face in   
stark terror, was a little girl I somehow recognized. She looked at me for an instant, then   
threw something into the moat. Then the horse and it's riders vanished into the rainy   
night. 

Then another horse arrived...jet black, matching its rider. The rider sneered. 

Flash.   
  


*** 

Then I was in the forest. I looked down at my hands, and saw I was much older. I   
strangely felt the need to move and was drawn into a clearing in the forest. I Pulled by   
some invisible force, I stepped forward into the fog. I sensed the presence of someone.   
The fog lifted and I saw... 

A tall, muscular man, wearing what looked like a tuxedo except that the forearms and   
shins were white. He wore a large, deep blue cape. And disturbingly familiar _white   
gloves._ 

He laughed. 

I spun into darkness once more. 

*** 

"Hey...hey..." 

"Hey...wake up!" 

"He's waking up!" 

I heard these voices. There was a bit of light ahead. I moved toward it. 

"He's ok!" 

My eyes fluttered open. I was hot and felt sick. 

"Where..." I gasped. 

Then I saw. I was in the bed of our mansion. Zelda sat in a chair beside me, and a few   
others hovered around the bed. 

"Are you o.k.?" asked Ash. 

"Am I?" I returned. "'Cause I don't know." 

"Link, you've been in a coma for three days. I don't know what happened but I think you   
just collapsed from exhaustion." 

My eyebrows went up. "Really? Wow." 

"I think you overexerted yourself," said Fox. "Don't pull a stunt like that again." 

"Well, at least we won," I said. "Well...now what?" 

"I can answer that," said a voice form nowhere. I looked around but not for long. There,   
standing over me, was the antagonist of my existence: him. The Master. 

He didn't look angry, although he was really having trouble restraining himself. I got the   
feeling that he was trying to be cool about a crushing defeat. He thought that fight would   
end this forever. 

"Well..." he remarked. "You're alive. H'mmm." He paced around my bed. 

"What do you want?" I demanded, rising out of bed. 

"A date. I'd like to meet with you." 

"What?" 

"You and me..." he smiled. "To the death." 

I realized what he had just said. 

This was it. 

"Midnight. Three days from now." 

"But that's..." I said 

"Yes. That is the anniversary of your capture." 

I was stunned. Speechless. 

"So now, I recommend that you use these three days wisely. Train, rest...but be wise.   
These three days..." He grinned maniacally. "...will be your last." 

And with that, he disappeared into the air. 

End Part 10.


End file.
